Thieving Varmint

Oh, you thieving varmint.

You blew into town on the noon stage,

And don't think that I don't know

You're a woman with a past;

Back east, you scandalized the one-room schoolroom

When you wouldn't recite "My Love Is Like A Red, Red Rose"

And all that other rote sh*t they tried to cram down your throat.

Oh don't think that I don't know

That there's some poor dumb sodbuster someplace

Wondering where his little woman went.

Don't think that I don't know

That dance-hall girls from Topeka to Santa Fe

Keep your picture tucked in their garters.

I'm well aware

That you keep a few extra aces

Tucked up your sleeve,

And a derringer in your boot.

But what I can't understand

Is why, when I look at anything from Boot Hill to Old Blind Bob

I see your smile instead.

My heart was right here a minute ago

Until I bumped into you,

And now it's scarcer than those quarter horses from the Circle Bar Tee.

Oh, you beautiful blond-haired

Thieving varmint!



Vodka Mom said…
does varmit mean bitch in your dictionary? It does in mine.
Fireblossom said…
Not in mine, Vodka Mom. In mine it's an endearment!
Shrinky said…
I have this feeling she's about to meet her come-uppance anytime soon - but even so, think you'd be best watch out hon, she sounds quite a lot to handle even for you! x
Fireblossom said…
"Even" me, Shrinky? Why, I'm just a mousey little schoolmarm, never been kissed. ;-)
Anonymous said…
set the stage
high noon
next day
two pairs of lips wet with promises
steady stance
fingers flex
david mcmahon said…
Thanks for the visit and the comment - I see lots of familiar faces here in the comments section.

Love the reference to Robbie Burns. He is/ was such an inspiration.
Fireblossom said…
Thank you Chewy.

And welcome to the Word Garden, David. :-)
Maude Lynn said…
I love this one! This is definitely a favorite of mine!
Jannie Funster said…
And just what did she do in that schoolroom?! Was she teacher or student, I wonder?
Fireblossom said…
I'm pleased you like it, Mama Zen! The varmint herself seemed to, also. :-)

A lady never tells, Jannie. ;-)
Anonymous said…
You are so good at transporting me to a new setting every time I read your poems. Each one has a specific tone, language, and atmosphere. This one made me smile.
Fireblossom said…
Thanks, Grace! I truly do make an effort to stretch out.
Lil Bit said…
Oooo, a showdown in front of the saloon soon, I can see it now!
Just don't forget to wear your spurs.
And chaps.

Chaps always do the trick. LOL
Fireblossom said…
LOL @ chaps! I thought chaps were for gay GUYS. Shows what I know. No showdown....whenever she gets near me, I get all clumsy and dopey, so I would lose. ;-)
Lil Bit said…
LOL! Noooooooooooo, not just gay guys, m'lady.

Biker chicks also wear 'em... I should know cuz I own a pair!
... or 2. ;)
Fireblossom said…
Biker chicks! *fans self*

Hey can ya gimme a ride...?