Drinking mail-order brick wine,
And being knocked down in the narrow streets
By little fuckheads riding Vespas.
She emigrates, with her dog, to Canada, eh?
On the trains and buses,
Everything is displayed in both French and English--
Bienvenu! Welcome!
And so she finds that she always has two ways
To get anyplace in that
Big dopey land.
Immediately, her dog (whose name is Tuxedo)
Begins herding things.
Sheep, children, goalkeepers, Eskimos, cabinet ministers--
He doesn't care.
Herd!
One day, he even herds a moose out of the forest and back again,
Then just runs in circles
To burn off extra energy.
"Tuxedo," announces Bo Peep brightly one day
As they share a box of Timbits,
"I am going to write a novel!"
By noon the next day, she has.
Wow!
It concerns a Romanian girl who is sick of
Brick wine and Vespa scooters,
And so she emigrates to Quebec.
She entitles it "Fuck This Shit!"
It sells five million copies, and Bo Peep appears on "Oprah."
One day on book tour,
She and Tuxedo take a Bienvenu! bus
To the prairies of Manitoba.
While Tuxedo ecstatically herds cows,
Bo Peep uses her crook to practice her wicked slap shot--
"She shoots, she scores!"
The red light goes on.
(Sunset.)
Girl and dog do a victory dance in the slanting light.
"Tuxedo, what do you want to do next?"
He runs circles around her, barking like a lunatic.
Maybe he means,
"Let's move to Greenwich Village, and I will herd beatniks."
Maybe he means,
"Pet me, Mama!"
It doesn't matter.
As long as there are no Vespa scooters,
Happiness could last indefinitely.
Alors!
C'est bien!
linked to Gay Cannon's very informative post about Poetic Devices.
You sure know how to spin a tale of suburban heroines (and their trusty dogs).. One can enjoy it as it stands or consider the allegorical meaning, which is the beauty of any fairy tale.
ReplyDeletei love the (sunset) its like a breath right in the middle of your fantastic tale...cool on her practicing her slap shots...and tuxedo is cool...moose are cool too...vespas, not so much...
ReplyDeleteI once dated a fuckhead who 'drove' a Vespa
ReplyDeleteThis just made me smile!
ReplyDeletelol- you crack me up... very entertaining
ReplyDeleteCute! The Bo peep story I heard as a kid was a bit different. I like your version better. Lol. What an adorable canine. He even herds sheep in bed, "eh,?"
ReplyDeletethanks for the laughs this morning! I'm wanting Bo Peep's sweater and gloves :)
ReplyDeleteWhat can you do when you've lost your sheep and are plagued with annoying Vespas? Giving up the brick wine(so heavy on the palate) for some Molson's seems bitchin, eh? I'm thinkin the book title is a little cerebral for Oprah's audience, however.
ReplyDeleteYou supremely refute the adage that what one runs from is what they run to ... Bo here transforms Vespas into vespers, managing to scrape real gold from the bottom of the pot across the rainbow. And yay Tuxedo! FB shoots, she scores!
ReplyDeleteThe photo goes so nicely with it, too.
ReplyDeleteI am SO laughing out loud here. Moving to Canada, eh? and the Timbits. And the dog herding cabinet ministers. And the novel. OMG - you are so TOTALLY entertaining. Love it, love it, love it. SO MUCH!
ReplyDeletep.s. Are those YOUR sheep sheets in the photo??????? And darling Bosco?
ReplyDeleteNope. That's Bosco's body double!
ReplyDeleteLove the "Fuck This Shit".
ReplyDeleteVespas are only cool if you are are the one riding them, if not they are bloody irritating!
Mind you I find everything and one irritating at the moment.
OMG, I so needed to read this. We had to have our beloved old Golden Retriever, Cody, put down today. He herded cats and loved, loved, loved them so much I tell everyone he was a 100 pound cat in a dog suit.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the laugh. I want that dog. xoxo
Brilliant! :-)
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, this is the funniest thing ever:
ReplyDeleteBy noon the next day, she has.
Wow!
It concerns a Romanian girl who is sick of
Brick wine and Vespa scooters,
And so she emigrates to Quebec.
She entitles it "Fuck This Shit!"
It sells five million copies, and Bo Peep appears on "Oprah."
Ha ha ha! ...
ReplyDeleteMaybe he means,
"Let's move to Greenwich Village, and I will herd beatniks."
I came here after lots of other sites and had the best laugh! Sounds like the ridiculous depths we've sunk to only funny.
ReplyDeleteI figured it was his body double, since Bosco always insists on a "no frontal nudity" clause.
ReplyDelete"Baise cette merde!"
ReplyDelete{{pouffer de rire}}
très bon, mon ami! ♥
I usually try to ferret out some deeper meaning in even your zaniest poems. I'm just gonna take my smile and call it a night on this one.
ReplyDeleteTres, tres bien, tres sympatique!
ReplyDeleteLes journe, tres bon!
Graci!
LOL, love the "herding beatniks" line!
ReplyDeletePat
Critter Alley
What a piece to start the day with - felt as though you wrote it just for me. The only dogs in my life were huge Great Pyrenees who herded us and wouldn't let my husband or me go to sleep till she'd herded the children to bed. By the time they were in their teens & driving she whimpered at the door until they came home.
ReplyDeleteOf course, having spent my life in an ice rink, the hockey metaphors were priceless; you sure can't talk about big dopey-land Canada without talking about hockey, eh?
I laughed, I cried, I was transported. Later..It's all good!