Thursday, May 10, 2012

Buddah Moskowitz Invades Fireblossom's Dreams

So I dreamed that Buddah Moskowitz mailed me all this stuff.
So much!
It wouldn't nearly fit in the mailbox.

There was poems.
And crazy bullshit, little gadgets I couldn't even understand what they were for,
And his old watch. What am I supposed to do with that?
The face is as big as my whole hand!
I wonder if it works underwater?
I wonder if you can see what time it is inside a cave at midnight?
I wonder how he got my address?!

And oh yeah, there was these five big boxes full of old newspapers, and
And...
(Should I even be telling you this?)
And like a zillion dollars in cash.
Man, can this girl use it.
Thanks, Mosk. I like your blog too!

So, I did what any sensible, well brought-up Catholic gal would do...
I bought a ginormous honking handgun,
A black 1960 Chrysler with an engine a girl can feel right through the bench seat,
And went on the run.
Eat my dust, assholes!

Guys with soul patches tried to swipe my stash,
But their bullets may as well have been made of pudding.
I was fierce! Rawr!!!
Gitcher motor runnin'...
This beat going to work any day.

I took it out west.
Lookit, Arizona is still there! I'll stop and see Dani.
We can eat at some dopey chain restaurant and order anything
Cos I've got a zillion dolla.
More quesadillas for you ladies?
Why, yes, we don't mind if we do.

Thank you, Buddah Moskowitz, for the zillion dollars,
And the creepy guy-watch,
And the poems, which were eggs-ellent.
I will think of you every time I floor the Chrysler.
I will pay your tab at Danny's Coffee Shop.
I will put the top down
And let the moon work on my head a little more,
Whether that's wise
Or necessary
Or not.
_____

17 comments:

ellen abbott said...

eggs-ellent Shay. You made me laugh out loud this morning.

'So, I did what any sensible, well brought-up Catholic gal would do
I bought a ginormous honking handgun,
A black 1960 Chrysler with an engine a girl can feel right through the bench seat,
And went on the run.'

Brian Miller said...

haha...this was a trip shay...i like the way you are blowing your money...or is that the wind through your hair...enjoy the road trip...smiles...

haikulovesongs said...

yay! yous comin to see me!!!

hedgewitch said...

So who's gonna be Thelma and who Louise? I miss all the fun. Nobody wants to go outlawin' in the dustbowl any more.

Is it the subdivisions, or what?

That is one crazy dream!

Shawna said...

Too funny. :)

Love these:

"But their bullets may as well have been made of pudding"

"And let the moon work on my head a little more,
Whether that's wise
Or necessary
Or not."

rosemarymint.wordpress.com

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Holy smokes! I sent you the good watch? I borrowed that from Flav O Flav and he wants it back! I don't have your address, lady, but I got yo' number. I didn't mean to send you the newspapers - they had obits from every bully or girl who beat me up/ beat me down. Ach! The car's a good idee, and while I don't personally approve of handguns, knowing you as I do, I think it a wise purchase. Have a round of quesadillas on ShayShay, the high rolla.

I is honored like you'll never know. Much love, your benefactor Mosk

I like your blog too.

Laurie Kolp said...

This is hilarious... sweet Mosk dreams of money!

Mama Zen said...

Hedge and I are very pissed that you didn't swing through and get us!

HermanTurnip said...

And I suggested that he simply send you an e-card...

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh my God, you had me at the title, I was already grinning like a fool.......I LOVE this tale.......and your mind, which never fails to think up something completely outlandish and unexpected. EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY. You are just too cool.

Ummmm......Mosk?? I hate to mention it, but I did an entire interview on you, and a)I just got a thanks-it-was-a-slice email, and b)you did not reveal that you have kazillions of dollars????

Shawna said...

I need you to come write for me. You will love this list.

http://rosemarymint.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/thursday-melting-bonus-word-prompt/

Susie Clevenger said...

Gotta love those dreams that bring money and a fast car...Nice work!!

Sioux said...

I think in THIS version of Thelma and Louise, you would need a bus--packed three to a seat--because there would be so many frothing-at-the-mouth fans of Fireblossom, clamoring to tag along.

I especially love the last four lines. What a hoot, Shay!

Daryl Edelstein said...

going outlaw? dibs on sitting shotgun

goatman said...

You are nuts!!
But crazy-nuts . . .
I like it.

Helen said...

T & L ... you go gals! This was immensely satisfying.

Lolamouse said...

Hey, if you're not gonna get me too, at least send a little of the cash my way!