You're the last to know. What does that tell you?
If Bethany hadn't told us, we still wouldn't know.
I asked her to keep my confidence. Clearly she didn't.
You should never have asked her to! She was crying. Jan made her tell us.
And you're all reacting just the way I thought you would.
Why do you spend so much time with those friends of yours? Did they talk you into this? Or was it someone on line?
No one "talks you into" this.
It all happened after you stopped going to church.
I stopped going to church because I no longer felt welcome.
Because it's wrong! No one in our family has ever been...like that.
Don't be so sure. Anyway, now someone is.
People will wonder what I did wrong as a mother.
Is that all you care about? What people will think?
Yes, partly! I care what people think!
You never had a clue, all the time I was growing up?
No. Never. I wish I had not lived long enough to see this day.
I'm sorry you had to hear it through the grapevine. But you asked me to come talk to you today, and I'm here.
I didn't think you would have the courage to face me. I think you know what you're doing is wrong.
I have more courage than you think I do, and I'm not doing anything but trying to save my own life.
I never want to see you again.
Oh mama... you never really have.
_______
for Mary's Mixed Bag at Real Toads
I was well beyond my teens when this conversation took place. Nevertheless, I want to include this picture...
So many 'good' people have such closed minds. And lose so much when they slam the door on their loved one. Does each generation move forward a bit? I hope so - one person at a time.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me so sad. Did things ever change b/w you?
ReplyDeleteWonderfully written to portray both perspectives. Such a shame that this conversation happens too often.
ReplyDeleteThrough my work with PFLAG I hear many stories of kids .. how and when they came out .. parents' reactions, friends' reactions .. some positive, others negative. The struggle for acceptance is never ending.
ReplyDeleteGreat words this evening from you, Shay.
What perfect subject matter for this prompt.
ReplyDeleteThis was so funny:
"Did they talk you into this? Or was it someone on line?"
I could completely hear this conversation playing out.
"I wish I had not lived long enough to see this day." ... I think I've heard that before.
"...trying to save my own life." Gut punch.
Perfect ending:
"I never want to see you again. /
Oh mama ... you never really have."
Laughing at Helen's comment; just reading "PFLAG" makes me think of Reality Bites, like the best movie of all time(ish).
The way teens respond to gay kids of their age group is completely home-taught. They reflect their parents' attitude, who in turn were taught prejudice by their own parents. You have captured the incredulity of said parent, when faced with the knowledge that her child did not heed her lessons.
ReplyDeleteThe way this was written really gives me a gut-punch. Definitely two sides of the coin, and it seems never the twain will meet. Sad when mother really doesn't 'see' daughter or want to.
ReplyDeleteI saw the movie "Bully" and would encourage other people too. One of the segments was about a teen lesbian in Oklahoma. Her parents were supportive; but the school, her peers (classmates did not wish to sit next to her), and the church weren't. In fact, her whole family was banned from the church. The teen felt for a while that she could take it, make a difference. Eventually the family left town...to try again somewhere else. All young people should see this movie..and adults too. It was a sad commentary on how people treat others sometime; and I do believe that movies like this CAN make a difference.
Thank you for writing this poem. In its way it can make a difference too!
I hope that such kind of conversations will be just historical one day. You wrote it in a way that it looks very realistic and pointed.
ReplyDeleteI wonder/hope the same thing: I'm HOPING things changed, because if not, your mother is missing out on an incredible, gifted human being.
ReplyDeleteThe "Not Your Mother's Book" (www.publishingsyndicate.com) has a series of books of "coming out" stories. I don't know if the deadline has already passed, but you might consider it. There are countless young people (and adult people as well) who would benefit from a story from you.
my daughter, who turns 35 tomorrow and who is not gay, took it upon herself in junior high school (and beyond) to champion gay (LGBT) kids. I was so proud of her.
ReplyDeleteSaying what needs to be said, what can't be said enough, what so many are afraid to hear but need to hear--a fine manifesto of all that's wrong in a mother-daughter-societal relationship as well as all that's right with being oneself. Fine writing, Shay--thanks for speaking out, and for having the courage to not just talk the talk but walk the walk.
ReplyDeleteSo hard to be on the daughter's end of the conversation, but your last line says it all. She lost out, not knowing her daughter.
ReplyDeleteAn important topic. Thanks for addressing it, kiddo. I cant believe it is 2012 and we are still so unenlightened as a society. Mary's movie recommendation sounds good. Movies do make a difference when they have good messages, we need more of them.
This breaks my heart.
ReplyDelete@Shawna--I don't get your comments at all, neither the one above, or the one Shay had to delete, or why you think this is humorous, or why you think Helen's very serious comment was some sort of joke. The pain and lack of understanding that Shay is exposing here is not really something to giggle over like a middle schooler.
ReplyDeleteIf I've read your response incorrectly, I apologize.
Oh, Shay, you sure do rouse up the mama bear instinct in your friends, because we love you. This is a powerful poem.
ReplyDeleteK
Hedge, I'm pretty sure you misunderstood my comment. And Shay is welcome to e-mail me about this, as are you. I assure you, I adore Shay and was in no way being insensitive to the subject matter. I don't even remember another comment, so I'm not sure what was deleted.
ReplyDeleterosemarymint.wordpress.com
Shay - this could be a conversation between me and my Mother over so many things. You've done something really powerful here, and you may not know but this resonates for those of us who are survivors of abuse as well. Those last lines they rocked my world. Hats off to you!
ReplyDeleteWow, this takes my breath away. This is so hard and so real. Great poem that leaves me speechless.
ReplyDeletei know, Sista!
ReplyDelete*BIG HUGS*
♥
I know this convo... My in laws are like this~ It is sad and sickening when we should love, we destroy~ Well Done!
ReplyDeleteShay,
ReplyDeleteGood for you for removing yourself from such a toxic relationship. It's sad when those who should be supportive and loving are our worst critics.
One of my favorites.
ReplyDelete