My mother used to say
"You'll fall and break your neck,"
With uncharacteristic hope in her voice
Like gilt edging on a pendant.
It made me want to fall and break my neck
Just to please her.
It made me want to hold on vicious hard
Just to vex her,
And so I could get down and dance like a Hottentot
Around a pot of missionary stew.
So, last night I was up on a ladder hanging a picture;
I had little nails in my mouth,
A big old honking hammer in my hand,
And my foot on a banana peel.
Fell and broke my neck.
Who's gonna feed my dog?
Anyway, no nursing home for me.
I was looking forward to being in decline,
Losing my fucking mind,
Grabbing the orderly's ass and saying,
"Hey Dreamboat. Come and set a spell."
What could they do to me?
Hire a shark lawyer and sue?
I wanted to ask all the nurses personal questions.
I wanted to wheel down the hall like the runaway Number Nine,
Making train noises and peeing in a bag.
These beautiful dreams that ne'er can be,
Roses forever left unbloomed;
How melancholy the dubious hour
When Desire's crimson comes to ruin...
Ah, what shit!
Somebody else will get my apartment,
After I circumvented the waiting list
By finding out who I had to kiss.
My mother used to say,
"You'll break your neck,"
And the bitch was right.
I return to my body in an access of spite,
With my stupid neck at ninety degrees--
Annnnnnnnnnnd, we're back! Just like that.
Happy Mother's Day, Frosty,
From your serpent's tongue...me.