Thursday, May 3, 2012

Tenured Pedant Cat

Tenured Pedant Cat has had a look at your poem.
She finds it wearying,
Sophomoric in tone.

Tenured Pedant Cat is sorry to say,
She thinks it primitive
And sadly derivative.

Please don't send Tenured Pedant Cat more.
Don't be a pest.
Don't be a bore.

Tenured Pedant Cat wishes you luck with it
But has had quite enough of it
No matter how you've fucked with it.

Signed, your obedient servant, etcetera, my dear,
Tenured Pedant Cat, Department Chair.


Buddah Moskowitz said...

Big talk from Tenured Pedant Cat.

Have you seen the crap that she's been writing since she got tenure? She doesn't have the eye of the tiger anymore, to say the least. I don't trust anyone with a lifetime job, with the possible exception of Supreme Court justices.

When Alice Kramden (the cat in my care) starts copping an attitude with me I just show off my opposable thumb and the closed lid to the cat food container. That keeps her humble enough.

By the way, ask Tenured Pedant Cat to please do a better job at covering her feces - I can smell her clear out to the West coast.

Brian Miller said...

tenure is just another excuse to be lazy and judge buddah

TexWisGirl said...

Damn! Tough crowd.

hedgewitch said...

Bitches love sonnets.

Obviously, the TPC creature is the wrong species for the job--though I am all about Species Equality, sometimes, you just have to draw the line.

Fireblossom said...

Tenured Pedant Cat's graduate assistant has read your comments and has found them lacking. Footnotes and sources, people.

Sioux said...

"Tenured Pedant Cat wishes you luck with it
But has had quite enough of it
No matter how you've fucked with it."

The spirit that wrote this one was bitchy and snarky and sarcastic. She should be punished...maybe put her on kitty litter patrol?

Daryl Edelstein said...

punish the bitch .. wait, dont, she'd like it

Shawna said...

And there couldn't possibly be any validity to her notes, could there? Nothing could ever be wrong with any poet's writing. ;)

Lynn said...

Department chair - love that. :)

Kerry O'Connor said...

I like the way you have arranged your 14 lines, and the TPC theme is close enough to home to cause an instinctive Ouch! reaction.

Carrie Burtt said...

Sounds like Tenured Pedant Cat is related to one of mine....i am certain she would have us all be-headed if she ruled the world. Hope you have a wonderful weekend Shay! :-)

Sherry Blue Sky said...

This is the one blog where the comments are entertaining enough to read all the way down the page:) Loved this......and loved your comment: "footnotes and sources, people." Hee hee.

Mama Zen said...

Tenured Pedant Cat plagiarizes her grad students and hasn't wrote her own stuff since the mid-80s.

Anonymous said...

Don't blame kitty for profs who are pussies. Feline tenure is about a different chair. Purring, not defecating, all over the rhymes. But then, I haven't bothered with Poet Suits for a long while. - Brendan

Hannah Stephenson said...

So you know my cat Quincy, then?

She is the Department Chair of our Household (so she thinks).