you,
another woman,
and your brother the defective, mumbling and beloved by you.
There were two of you--
a Nordic blonde and you, strawberry cherry curling red around my dreams.
All the while, your brother wandered,
bashing his head against walls and counting the ceiling tiles.
There were two of you--
and two is one too many.
I knew I loved you best, as close as my next breath,
but I didn't say it in time, and you were gone;
leaving only your brother with his tiger on a chain.
There was only one of you--
back to the snows went the interloper,
carrying a reindeer rack for a trophy.
The longer since you left,
the more I suffered, orbiting your batshit crazy brother
begging him to tell me how I could find you.
I never missed anyone so much,
never regretted anything so sharply, like nails through the heart.
Your brother was my only hope,
busy making math out of heaps of junked cars,
his tiger forgotten and loose, threatening.
Imagine my surprise when I woke up.
Imagine my incredulity when I realized that I never even knew you,
That my penance and my passion were nothing more than vapor.
Imagine the numbering and secret sense in loony delusion.
Imagine me awake now, rocking and twisting my hair,
Staring hard into the golden eyes of a killer, and wondering where you've gone.
______
For Marian's music prompt at Real Toads. The song "You'll Lose A Good Thing" was in my head all day yesterday, and last night I had this dream.
Wow! So many good lines
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantasy. And all a dream?
Maybe tonight, you'll find him
Rick
An absolutely killer poem, every line. Wow!
ReplyDeleteI have this image of you, writing furiously ... getting it all down while the dreamy memories lingered. Amazing poetry.
ReplyDeletesomething about this line is cutting to the quick for me: "Your brother was my only hope, busy making math out of heaps of junked cars..." wow. it's like hindsight is 20/20, right?
ReplyDeleteI hate it when that happens.
ReplyDeleteWhat a dream - this deep-seated dilemma, this sense of making a wrong choice and being unable to fix it, the sense you just met the person of your dreams then finding out it was.
Simon and Garfunkle sang, "Last night I had the strangest dream I'd ever dreamed before..."
ReplyDeleteThat must have been a wild dream you had. I felt like I had stepped into the abyss of insanity (not that I'm too far from the edge most days) after reading this. Powerful images...
That dream state where the most impossible things happen often makes a door into poetry like this--this really feels like a dream, the sense of frantic wrongness, the way things change arbitrarily, especially things you were most sure of--you've distilled all that sense of panic, and yet kept a dance-like, slo-mo sort of movement as it all plays out. Beautiful, visceral writing, and while the first two stanzas really spoke to me, the last line gave me chills.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a dream that feels more real than any reality you've ever felt.
ReplyDeleteThis is the most intense part to me: "Imagine my incredulity when I realized that I never even knew you, That my penance and my passion were nothing more than vapor. Imagine the numbering and secret sense in loony delusion."
This is another one of those pieces where your word choices are clearly driven by sound. Excellent.
The numbers and the math, the rearranging of particles ... it all scares me; so you, all the more, I'm sure. A nightmare, not a dream. Painful separation.
"strawberry cherry curling red around my dreams" ... Gorgeous sound, decadent taste, and sensual imagery.
So powerful, the scenes of the mad brother, helpless and unable to help you. I love this part: "All the while, your brother wandered,
bashing his head against walls and counting the ceiling tiles"
I think she has a split personality, and she killed one of her selves.
And maybe these are your two personalities, the woman and the tiger: "Imagine me awake now, rocking and twisting my hair,
Staring hard into the golden eyes of a killer" ... Perhaps one of yours will end up murdered as well.
How very Girl, Interrupted. ;) One of my favorite movies.
This "loony delusion" is so starkly real with a thumping heart rhythm to boot!
ReplyDeleteWhat a dream...I seldom dream or none I can remember...powerful blues spin!
ReplyDeletethe AFTER you woke up part is the scariest! at least your mother wasn't in your dream/nightmare...
ReplyDelete{grin}
♥
This is seriously wild!
ReplyDeleteAnd sometimes you wake up in the nick of time. - Wonderful!
ReplyDelete