and it said
oh,
girl,
oh.
I made a poem upon a window pane,
but I drew it
slow
so
slow.
Hurry Autumn, hurry love--
I so seldom feel beautiful at all;
I've no idea what I've been thinking of,
or who that is that
calls
and
calls.
_____
Monday, September 10, 2012
Thoughts From A Walk In The Blue Dawn
and it said
oh,
girl,
oh.
I made a poem upon a window pane,
but I drew it
slow
so
slow.
Hurry Autumn, hurry love--
I so seldom feel beautiful at all;
I've no idea what I've been thinking of,
or who that is that
calls
and
calls.
_____
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Yeah, right...another one for the landfill? YOU are full of crap, but your work is not.
ReplyDeleteThe bit of repetition at the end of each stanza, and the bit of wistfulness? A plaintive plea? Not sure, but I did so (oh, girl) did enjoy it.
Something of that early early dawn feeling here, before the sun comes and shines uncompromising and bright, when the heart can still find a crack or two to slip its message to us...a forlorn edge, but also a certain lilt that says dawn is a time of beginnings even if autumn is a precursor of endings. The refrain lines are lullaby simple, and doubly effective that way.
ReplyDeleteIt's the simple ones that really capture my attention. Very nice!
ReplyDeleteoooooooh! i loooooove this one!
ReplyDeleteFABulous opening line!
♥
A letter from my own future - oh how I wish.
ReplyDeleteits summer saying dont go ....
ReplyDeleteThere is something about this that really moves me.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is what I call tattoo poetry - words so exquisitely put together I would hate for them to ever be erased.
ReplyDeleteYes, this wistfulness is so poignant - oh, girl, oh!
ReplyDeleteoh
ReplyDeleteslow
calls
If I were walking the same dawn with a dew window poem, would I "hurry autumn, hurry love"? Probably, to stand instead of drifting when I call.
I love your poem.
Hurry Autumn, indeed. Very beautiful words here.
ReplyDelete*sigh* your poems leave me breathless.
ReplyDeleteSo slow am I - Hurry!
ReplyDeleteAloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
=^..^=
> < } } ( ° >
dreamy... and, erm, shay, all ya gotta do is pick up the phone *grin*
ReplyDeleteLandfill ... landslide ... it's all good.
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely not for the landfill, silly!
ReplyDelete