i nest my ignited constellations.
i keep two eyes--
one for hot, one for cool--
kiss me and taste the entire sky.
______
this is my attempt at a tanka, for Real Toads. my dislike for oriental forms is widely known, so if this doesn't fit the bill, please choke on a cherry blossom!
Kiss me and taste the entire sky . . . love that line.
ReplyDeleteI think it works well without cherry blossom :-)
ReplyDeleteI think Bjorn has said it so well. This is perfect.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Shay.
Kiss me and taste the entire sky - hot and cool at the same time ~
ReplyDeleteYour tanka is a star, smiles ~
Short, yet so vivid!
ReplyDelete... I love you in this short form - it packs a punch... kind of "Mama-Zen" like!
ReplyDeleteYou even write forms you dislike well! Go choke on a cherry blossom yourself, you overachiever!
ReplyDeleteYou know what unfair? You do the oriental forms really well. You know, without sounding like Yoda.
ReplyDeleteLove it..For a form you dislike you have mastered it. There is no need for cherry blossoms (although they are lovely) :)
ReplyDeleteEven what you dislike, you do well. Me thinks you refuse to admit the beauty to be had. Your own hand has betrayed you. :-)
ReplyDeleteThe best poems,
ReplyDeleteLike this one,
Are perfect multidimensional
Machines
Producing deep
Satisfaction.
You are the real squeal
Cool photo and I want to taste the sky! Fun FB-I loved it~
ReplyDeletenext, we'll find out you have an entire notebook filled with well-composed haiku. or decomposed. whatever.
ReplyDeleteLaffin @ grapeling. Nothing forced about this--tanka is really a cool form, I think, though I've only managed to struggle through one. This feels very natural, and un-formed--that is, strictly from the mind to the pen.
ReplyDeleteThose first two lines could keep me going for days. Incredible.
ReplyDeleteIf the moon had bones, they'd be curved, like the perfect coffee cup or small soup bowl. Like the bend of sorrow along a wizened person's broken-hearted back. This is the emotion from which you write, give of yourself, birth your creations/lives, and cauldron your potions made of star connections and fire. The word "nest" is so beautiful tucked in here, a mother, a bird, a silent preparer of nourishment and security. But what she works with is passion, pain, light, and fire. Absolutely beautiful concepts; truly and deeply stirring.
I've returned for a look at Installments 1 and 2 of this series (was out of town and missed posts the first time around)
ReplyDeleteYou may struggle with the form, however .. this tanka is a delight.