Tuesday, September 3, 2013

the pious sex toy

The pious sex toy feels that its daily life
does not reflect its deepest yearnings.

Why is it that others' desires must always come first?
The plunging, buzzing, frantic inanity of the toy's utility
masks a quieter, more contemplative nature.

"Oh God!" screams the owner, but the owner knows nothing of piety.
Her rosary hangs from the door knob,
reduced to the status of unseen ornament.

Tucked in its drawer, the pious sex toy has hours to devote
to prayer and fasting.
How jarring to be taken from these musings
and made to gyrate and probe,
leaving lubricant everywhere.

Dignity is hard to come by for a sex toy,
and eternal life is only a joke when, after all,
the toy is completely dependent on its off-brand sale-priced batteries.

"I am not even a real rabbit, like in the storybook,"
says the pious sex toy.
"I am not velveteen, but rather, hard plastic.
My owner reserves her love for Bob, who never appears,
though she calls out for him.
I think he may not be real himself."

The pious sex toy cannot even request to be taken to church.
How absurd!
What a scandal!
At least there is a bible in the drawer where the toy is kept,
along with a Tarot deck missing The Fool,
and an old tube of hooker red lipstick
with which the pious toy underlines its favorite passages
to be found again easily
like a G Spot.


Margaret said...

Shay! This is the most "wickedly" clever metaphor I have ever read. Loved it.

Jinksy said...

off-brand sale-priced batteries are always a let down! lol

TexWisGirl said...

from wrist watch to sex toy. what are you going to choose next? :)

Kerry O'Connor said...

This is an amazing take on the old "Day in the Life of.." topic. You have made a real comment on life, expectations and disappointments by switching the viewpoint in this way. Brilliant.

hedgewitch said...

I exhaled coffee spasmodically several times for this one. I feel actual sympathy for the sex toy and its alienated life in the drawer--in fact, I think it may be an excellent allegory for my first marriage--minus the religion, of course. ;_)

Mama Zen said...

Oh. My. God. I will never look at a sex toy the same way again. Not that I have any, of course . . .

Vanessa V Kilmer said...

I love the way you turned this on its head.

HermanTurnip said...

Some pray to drink, drugs, extreme sports, and sex toys more than they do to their god of choice. Where do we go from here?

Great piece!

LaTonya Baldwin said...

I think I need to show my toy some love, but he's no rabbit either. lol

Seriously, need to check out prompts. Little time more than to see who's posting and comment before running out. So looking for reading time on the weekend.

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Brilliant personification. Perfect and bril.

Joanna Jenkins said...

It's a toss up--

"I am not even a real rabbit, like in the storybook,"


"Tarot deck missing The Fool"
as the best lines ever!

This one was a hoot!
great job, jj

Lolamouse said...

"Dignity is hard to come by for a sex toy" is a GREAT line! I could never come by dignity either! ; )

Sara said...

LOL my friend. Only you can write such a great poem about a pious "sex toy."

I giggled through the whole thing. And the closing lines were the best to me -- the "company we keep" and all that:~)

You are one funny lady!

G-Man said...

You found My Spot?
After years of living in obscurity, thanks to Helen Gurley Brown et al. It's finally not a secret any more!!!
Free at Last, Free at Last....

Loved your vibrating 55
Have a Kick Ass Week-End


Sherry Blue Sky said...