Croc Girl

Croc girl meets Florence of Arabia down at the Lavender Laboratory,
where a girl can get
pretentious coffee made from beans picked high in the hills
by female fingers only--guaranteed.

Later, in bed, Croc Girl can't shut up,
she's got a big mouth.
"Bla bla bla bla bla," she says, eternally,
"Bla bla bla," until the moment is lost and Florence of Arabia gets out of bed
and starts waving her scimitar around.
"Bla bla," continues Croc Girl, hating herself, but helpless.  

The next morning, alone at the Lavender Laboratory,
sipping some idiotic kind of tea and writing long, dreadfully sincere poetry,
Croc Girl feels shitty and realizes her blood sugar is low.
Ever seen a croc girl eat?
Whole boxes of Debbie Cakes down the hatch at once.
Croc Girl sits there, stomach rumbling, hating herself, but helpless.

O for the water.
O for careless thirsty creatures whose names she doesn't know.
O for croc moms who don't hover, bitching about everything.
O for peanuts and Cracker Jack, blue skies and sun all afternoon. 

Croc Girl goes down the block to the chain drug store,
spending forever in the lotion section, mooning over Olay,
Jergens, St. Ives and Burt's Bees until the tears come.
"Hold me, I need love," she says, all the time.
"GTFO," says everybody.
In a low blood sugar rage, Croc Girl sweeps all the stupid lotions onto the floor--
you don't need boardinghouse reach for that.

The next day, down at the Lavender Laboratory,
perched in a chair high enough for Seven Foot Billy, the old carnie freak,
Croc Girl sits reading a lesfic novel.
It's about Raven, or Madison, or Dakota, or some other heroine
named after a creature or a place,
who had a nasty break-up, moved back to Podunk, 
reconnected with Sally Silo,
and did it 'til LBD set in, but that's not included in the edition she's got.
"Bla bla bla bla," says Croc Girl under her breath, mocking the author's style.

Somewhere, there is mud enough for a thousand mud masks.
Somewhere, a girl can float with just her eyes above the water line.
Somewhere, a girl can wear a sleeveless dress
without some bitch saying maybe she shouldn't, with a pointed glance.
Somewhere, a girl can have a big bad-ass tail, 
long and wide enough to knock over the garbage bins.
"Say something about it," she challenges,
then realizes she has spoken out loud, 
making anorexic truants from the local high school turn and curl their lips.

Something slips inside Croc Girl, like The Golden Key Card,
and she blinks her eye in the weird way that only crocs can.
The truants all falter,
go back to their chai tea,
made only with milk from happy Tibetan goats, guaranteed.
Croc Girl slips down off her chair in one easy motion,
grins her shit-eating open-mouthed grin,
and says, "BLA BLA BLA!" 
They think she's crazy, but
it sounds like pure poetry to her.

Note: LBD = "Lesbian bed death"


hedgewitch said…
Feral indeed. I won't say hilarious, as I've rather over-used the word here of late, but this is dryly funny, witty, insightful and full of sly digs at life, people and the way we all can pose and make others and ourselves squirm when our hormones lead the way. I especially enjoyed the lotion segment. I also of course enjoyed every last word of that second to the last stanza. Thanks for another gem, Shay.
Sanaa Rizvi said…
I love this! There is humor .. there is sass.. not to mention a fountain of wisdom flowing through❤️ Beautifully penned, Shay!❤️
Sherry Blue Sky said…
Yes, the second to the last stanza is my fave. Keep telling your stories. I am deeply hooked. P.s. i love the happy Tibetan goats and the lesbian bed death a lot!
Magaly Guerrero said…
I just realized that my grandma and I could've made tons of money years ago. I mean, we were the only ones to pick the coffee in our field. So, we could've sold beans touched and roasted by Dominican women listening to audio-books. How cool would that be?

I really like that in the end, she hears poetry. Why not? I've seen this girl. Most of the time, I was convinced she was a bit... out there. Now I understand that she's just thinking in poems. ;-)
Lynn said…
I could see the whole thing!