M-M-M-M-My Shadormas

zen master
drinks too much coffee
says to class
pardon me
leaves lotus, runs down the hall
but not fast enough

zen master
visits his sister
she hands him
new nephew.
our bodies are illusions
but shoulder puke real

zen master
ponders the spring rain
when stupid
car breaks down.
meditation does no good--
fucking thing is shit 

zen master
can control his mind
but sometimes
erection comes at wrong time
don't stand up just yet

zen master
says souls can migrate
from body
to body.
unsightly skin condition
will end when you do

zen master
has the hots for jane
but he must
ignore this.
concentrate on breathing or
think about baseball 

zen master
should avoid dairy
but didn't
and now he
hopes he will not blow sour note
while teaching flute class

zen master
left his trash novel
on the stand
by the bed
with just ten pages to go.
"be here now" my ass

zen master
opens his chakras
to clear them
and cleanse them
wishes there was E-Z-Off
or some shit like that

zen master
sleeps on a pallet
on the floor
but dreams of
room with big-ass hotel bed
escort and happy ending

zen master
hates fireblossom lots
and wishes
she would stop
writing stupid shadormas
with him butt of joke

for: Fussy Little Forms/ Shadorma at Real Toads.



Alison H said…
I really loved this, it was quirky, entertaining and a great pleasure to read after a long day...haha the Zen master would have understood my day today...
Cloudia said…
This is the voice you represent to me. Smart. Smart enough to call it for what it is
brudberg said…
Ha... I really enjoyed this. You would enjoy renku poetry. Especially the first one is masterful
Marian said…
Shoulder puke is *SO* real! ;)
Sanaa Rizvi said…
Bwahahahahaha💘 Omg this is so entertaining, Shay! Especially loved the humor in; "zen master hates fireblossom lots and wishes she would stop writing stupid shadormas with him butt of joke." Beautifully executed!💘
Carrie Van Horn said…
The most awesome journey of absolute hilariousness I have ever gone on!! I can't even pick a favorite shadorma, cause all your shadormas are equally awesome!
hedgewitch said…
I'm bereft of speech and must go meditate on the sadness of your lack of enlightenment. (Also since the shadorma is supposedly Spanish, I am thinking zen master has really lost it. ;)) The E-Z-Off, the flute, etc all killed me--have I ever mentioned my first husband was devoured by the zen bug? He also objected to puke on the shoulder.
Vivian Zems said…
You got me howling with laughter. Love the adventures of Zen Master :)
Sioux Roslawski said…

The title: Did it come from that catchy song from The Knack?

Each one was delightful. Thanks for the multiple chuckles.
Kerry O'Connor said…
You have made my day.. So hard to be zen with you around.

Lynn said…
Love this, Shay!
Brendan said…
Eleven ways of looking at meditation's form -- 11 banana peels on the Eleventh Step.
Jazzbumpa said…
isn't she the one
hates haiku
though are O K maybe I'm
remembering wrong


Helen said…
OMG ... I have fallen for Zen Master!
Outrageously amazing poems! I see a small book of all Zen Master goodies.
Ha ha ha! I love number 2 the best, but enjoyed them all.

Zen Master
sits on the bare ground
and scratches
a stray itch –
close to true enlightenment
(aka reality).
kaykuala said…
Very cleverly done to cover most situations in life. But the zen master appears to be having the upper hand in most things!

Sherry Blue Sky said…
OH! MY! GOD! You just SO made my day!!!!!!!!!!!
Susie Clevenger said…
Oh yeah! I love all that zen!
Magaly Guerrero said…
I was totally keeping my cool. Laughing, yes... but I was under control. Then, I completely lost it when the unlucky erection came. Bwahahaha!

I love this.
Jenny Hill said…
I can totally relate to zen master's reading habits. "be here now" my ass. These are wonder-fuel!

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