Diving Bell

Give a girl a diving bell and she'll get the message
that you think she walks on water, or dances on it, or
some romantic fah-de-lah like that.
There was whiskey on the wreck out by the sand bar
and the barkeep went there in waders, then wondered
how he'd get back to the tavern with all those bottles without drowning.

I said, hey ho, here I am, a girl who owns a net.
There aren't a lot of us left--
not since that weird with a beard came around
and everybody wandered off to do open mic about looking up, not back.
Here's a confidence, Mr. Barkeep
(I'll bet you hear a lot of them)
I'm not forgiving those assholes.

Give a girl the time of day around here
and she'll think you walk on water, or waltz across it, or
some low self-esteem rigmarole like that. 
I'm not that way,
but I'm willing to help you get the hooch.
Alls you have to do is come around and fix what needs fixing,

Including the broken window, 
and my child who needs to hear a dopey joke.
Do that, and I'll lend you my net, and all my old boyfriends, too,
to help you stock your larder, as it were.
(Like how I said that? "As it were.")
So let's just be real, okie dokie artichokee?
Fortune favors the bold, and I'd say
it looks like I'm your lucky starfish, Captain,
ain't I?

for Camera FLASH at Toads.


Written as an old sea shanty. I love the speech of the girl.
Anonymous said…
A bold woman with spirit - love her!
Old Egg said…
What a delight to read this and laugh too. Love your take on the scene and get some girl power working all those years ago!
Kim M. Russell said…
Nice to have some humour, Shay, which none of the rest of us have seen in the image, and the delicate twist, the hint of something else, is genius!
Kerry O'Connor said…
No matter my mood, I cannot read one of your poems without smiling from line 1.

I'm a girl who owns a net... What do I have to do to get a drink around here?

Sanaa Rizvi said…
Oooh this is absolutely delightful!!💕 I loved reading this out loud and let me tell you something this could turn out to be a pop hit and would probably top the charts!💕
Anonymous said…
Sassy and sexy from the start to the finsih, as it were.I love this.
hedgewitch said…
Like Kerry, I'm smiling, yet I have to say I'm not sure why, except that the joke is on someone who seems to deserve it here, and perhaps a bit on all of us. I have to agree, the loan of almost anything would be worth the fixing of what needs fixed, if you could find the man to do it--at least you have the incentive, in spades. And a very charming--in all sense of the word--last stanza to sweeten the deal.
Susie Clevenger said…
Oh I love that title and your story from the first lines!
. said…
I don't think this is funny. She's just defeated and practical and real.

I see a woman, former selkie turned fisherman --- partially because she had to feed her kid, partially because she preferred having guy friends to gals, for the most part. Then Jesus came along and stole her posse. So she doesn't trust religion or men, for a number of reasons. Nor does she worship them. She will still pal around with them, though, if they're handy.

"weird with a beard" was the best; very clever
brudberg said…
Love the comeuppance of finally getting a catch... but beware the greed of the barkeep he will take that net of yours while growing a beard.
angie said…
clean and very sober.
Isadora Gruye said…
I really like the narrative voice here, and the set up of the story. Sort reminds me of the "Brandy" song...but in reverse. I mean that as the best possible compliment, as it seems like you are exploring a new side of well worn tale. Well done and viva la.
Cloudia said…
You have such glimmering depths
Jazzbumpa said…
Everyone else seems to have a clear understanding of what this poem means. I find it to be quite enigmatic. Humorous, perhaps, but in a darkly shaded hue.

But it's depths are worth deciphering.

Brendan said…
Saucy. You sure that ain't Diving Belle? Hi ho to those deeper powers and ignore the weird with a beard behind the screen. Here's to all those bottles filled with them and him to the brim. I'll have what Belle is diving.
Marian said…
Everybody left for the dumb open mic. Guffaw. More for us, then!

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