Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Single Parent Adventures

A man gives birth to a pair of pliers.
The first thing that happens is his friends punching him in the arm and calling him "mommy", followed by snorts and guffaws.

Doctors repair his dignity and hand the pliers child to it.
The man's dignity gets its own apartment.
The man's friends deride his singleness, call him "Lonesome."

One night while fending off bro punches, the man's doorbell rings.
His pliers child is at the door, remarking that it never asked to be born.
The man phones his dignity, and is advised to deal with the situation himself--it is his dignity's kickboxing night.

Fleeing his friends, the man carries his pliers offspring out to the garage and hangs it on a pegboard with the other tools.
"Goodnight," he says, and closes the automatic door.

His dignity calls, as if it had eyes all the way across town.
"What kind of father are you?"
"I've tried to be both mother and father to the pliers," he begins,
but his drunken friends start swinging golf clubs inside the house. 
There is arguing, shouting, police involvement.
He hopes the pliers won't wake up, hear, and speak badly of him later to his dignity. 
_____

for "Let Us Labor" at dverse


9 comments:

Vivian Delores said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
said...

I love this so much:

“it is his dignity's kickboxing night”

Fantastic ending.

Both of us can't look good ... its either me or the house said...

Surprising and fun

Glenn Buttkus said...

Nice to bump into you again, Shay. I really dug this piece, reminding me of Thurber. Your clever allegory was multi-layered, rife with inferences and truths.

Dwight L. Roth said...

An interesting and creative take on the prompt!

qbit said...

Awesome.

Kim M. Russell said...

What an allegory, Shay; you don’t mince words! These lines were so familiar they almost hurt but instead they made me grin:
‘The man phones his dignity and is advised to deal with the situation himself--it is his dignity's kickboxing night’
and
‘He hopes the pliers won't wake up, hear, and speak badly of him later to his dignity.’

brudberg said...

This is such a fantastic read and so fun... but part of me actually can feel the pain of giving birth to the pliers...

Amaya said...

Oh my gosh, all the bro punches! I feel like this poem addresses the psycho-societal problem of not accepting men who embrace both the masculine and the feminine within. They unfortunately are reinforced throughout most of the modern world to pick one. The acceptable one of course!