Monday, November 18, 2019

What Happened To Aunt Flossie

Arsenic in the wallpaper killed Aunt Florence,
her demise hastened by her habit of banging her head into the wall
at the slightest provocation.

Last time we visited,
my sisters and I chimed "Hello, Auntie,"
followed immediately by our polite curtsies
and more thundering head-bangs
which shook the house and dazed poor Aunt Flossie.

At tea, she spoke of being haunted by the spirit of a skunk
which had been living under the back stoop.
Her dog killed it, but the striped stinker in its anger
sought revenge.
We held our napkins to our faces in order to endure it. 

"How awful," we remarked,
upon which Aunt Flossie let her tea cup drop
from her fingers, and would have
banged most ferociously into the wall had we not instantly intervened.

My sisters and I are pious girls and we have faith
that the stinker will not be permitted to follow Aunt Flossie
into the golden gates of Heaven.
We shall miss her.
_____

11 comments:

Rommy said...

Maybe stinkers have their own heaven and hell. Shame about Flossie though.

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

You're just plain wicked, you are!

I bet this was nearly as much fun to write as it is to read.

brudberg said...

Poor aunt Flossie ... I have heard that it was mercury in wall paper that made you mad as a hatter.

tonispencer said...

Arsenic also.

Old Egg said...

Deranged she may be but poor Aunt Flossie should rest assured that the skunk will want its piece of heaven too, far from her too! Even poets need to laugh at their own ideas.

hedgewitch said...

Paris Green and rodent black and white make for a wicked combination. As always your use of juxtaposition and sarcasm is perfectly applied, with just the slightest tinge of irony to give it flavor.

Helen said...

Love it when you go all out funny!

Brendan said...

What happened to Aunt Flossie is what casually victimizes the mad, for askant reasons, a predation of ghosts. The chaos of curtseys amid cranial thunder in stanza 2 is the perfect setup.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

No scent of rose petals as Aunt Flossie passed over.....smiles..........you could make a lot of money writing hilarious children's books about some of your characters.

Vivian Zems said...

Poor Aunt Flossie- I had no idea arsenic could have such an effect. A good write.

purplepeninportland.com said...

Arsenic and skunk - seems like a deadly combination. Love this, Shay!