Saturday, December 6, 2008

10 Honest Truths



Dear Readers--do you all know my friend Mama Zen? Women want to be her and men want to be with her; yep, that's the one! She has tagged me to participate in telling 10 honest truths about myself. Here goes:


1. I was raised a Methodist. Clearly, it didn't "take." I don't think they're allowed to wear red or say "crap." And crap like that. My apologies to any Methodist readers I may have. To this day I can spout bible-themed double talk, all of it wrong. Hey, that stuff's not the bi--...oh,never mind!


2. The thing I am most proud of having done is my part in raising my son Joe. And no, I am not bi one get one free; the stork brought him, honest injun. Joe is obviously the most handsome, brilliant, charming two-legged fellow on the planet, though I may be biased. Nah!


3. After Joe, I've got another guy. Oh yeah! What a catch, I was lucky to find him! It was a real pick up joint where we met, but I knew right away he was the one for me. I even sing "My Guy" to him! Five years of true love and going strong. I am talking about, of course, Bosco the border collie! Hands off, ladies, he only loves ME! Darn right.


4. My car has bumper stickers. They are: "Born OK The First Time", "Girls Kick Ass", "Sorry I missed church but I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian", and "FEMME." "Girls Rule" fell off.


5. My name is Shay and I am a chocoholic. I don't need a LOT, but if I don't have SOME on hand every day, I go absolutely batshit. And if I am hormonal, goodnight, fuggeddaboudit. Just shut up and pass the Oreos. My nickname is "Cookie" for a reason!


6. My favorite movie is "When Night Is Falling", a Canadian movie, recently reissued, about a female professor at a religious college who falls in love with a dazzling gal who works with a traveling circus. She shoots an arrow through the professor's window with her telephone number attached. If someone did that to me, that would be it, register us at Kohl's and send out the invitations.


7. I own a cowgirl hat. It's brown and it's a "crusher" hat, you can smoosh it up and pack it in a bag, though I've never had the heart to actually do so, cos I love my cowgirl hat. It's brown. It keeps raindrops off me. It is my friend.


8. I detest, absolutely loathe (American) football. I am probably the only Lesbian in history to feel this way.


9. I collect stuffed toys, though not like I used to. I favor raccoons and coyotes in particular. I have a huge Felix the Cat.


10. At this very moment, I am wearing Scottie dog pajama bottoms and ancient slippers which were once pink. Grey tee shirt, and a sweater the color of brown sugar. When I was a child, I would agree to do anything, no matter what, if promised a little brown sugar as bounty.


I am tagging Shrinky, at Shrink-Wrapped Scream, and Marty at Dark Star Discovery. Break the chain and you will be forever cursed with combination skin and embarrassing age spots. And an evil midget will follow you around spouting ShamWow commercials. Don't risk it.

11 comments:

Jannie said...

Love your 3rd bumper sticker!

What's your favorite chocolate?

I know nothing about American Football, to me it's like Jupiter, I know it's there but that's about it.

I've gotta write my ten too.

xo

CHEWY said...

"Born OK the First Time" - That's a new one to me. Love it! - If I'm to be born again, make it a reincarnation.

I eat chocolate every day too! Right now my favorite is Hershey's nuggets with toffee chips in them.

Oh Crap! (tee-hee) I'm not a Methodist.

Fireblossom said...

Jannie, don't let my friend Sheena (Advice From A Shark) hear you talk that way about Jupiter...she is Queen of Jupiter, you know! To answer your question, I adore semi sweet dark chocolate. And yes! I can't wait to see your ten! I almost followed Mama Zen's suggestion and added 10 outrageous lies. I may do that later. ;-)

Covering my virin ears at Chewy's outburst, lol. Those Hershey nuggets sound delightful. Always good to meet another denizen of the shadowy twilight world of chocoholism!

Fireblossom said...

virgin, not virin

Shrinky said...

Since I already have embarassing age spots, combination skin, and FOUR evil midgets continually following me around spouting every Christmas commercial known to man, AND expecting me to cough up the readdies to also buy the stuff - I say ha, piffle! Your threats hold no weight to this poor broken, resigned and trodden down creature, so there Missy-Scottie-dog-pajama-bottoms!When will I ever learn never to trust a woman with a sweet tooth?

I s'pose I can always cheat (again) and paste the one I have sitting in my old blog.. darn it, now I come to think of it, that one contains only five factoids. Sigh.

Mama Zen said...

Regarding #6 - If someone did that to me, that would be it, call the ambulance, I've been shot with an arrow!

Fireblossom said...

I should know that threats never work on you, Shrinky. I'll have to devise an even more sinister scheme!

As long as the arrow doesn't make me look fat, all is well!

Vodka Mom said...

love the damn bumper stickers.

Gillian said...

I could put some small evil midgets to work for me. Hmmmm...something to think about. :)
Your ten is fab!
I had no idea lesbians enjoyed American football. Do they do that to prove a point or do the actually enjoy it? LOL
It's nice to hear you loathing it. I too, loathe it!
(Though the uniforms ain't bad.)
I LOVE coyotes!!! When I was in Tombstone last year, I bought one in silver that hangs around my neck. It is so cool.
Since you love cowchick hats, you'd love Tombstone! It is a dusty, old neat place with a big old cemetary and saloons. Kinda neat!
xo

Gillian said...

cemetery. sorry. :)

Fireblossom said...

LOL, glad you like the stickers, VM.

Gillian, I have no doubt i would just love Tombstone, from what you say! It sounds like a place I need to add to my list!