"YEAH JAKE? LISTEN, MAN, I'M AT SOME COFFEE PLACE...YEAH..." he shouts into his little plastic phone.
"I'LL BE THERE BY SEVEN. YEAH," he screams. He is planted just inside the doorway at Danny's Coffee Shop, so that people have to go around him.
"IT'S ON A DISC. IT'S ON A DISC IN MY OFFICE," he booms. He has a briefcase in his hand. "I'LL GO OVER THAT, AND--"
A black panther streaks through the air and hits Jabberjaws like a furry, fanged wrecking ball;
For the first time in weeks, man, phone, and briefcase are separated, with all of the violence that major life changes are known to bring.
She sinks her teeth into his throat, and as his fingers twitch and the white collar of his hokey, otherwise blue, businessman's shirt is stained red,
The Queen of the Vampires returns to her charming natural form as she subtracts Mini-Trump from the world of the living.
Denise, the waitress, looks up from filling the napkin holders and warns, "Don't leave a mess on my floor, or you're cleaning it up, Toots."
Only at Danny's does anyone call the Queen of the Vampires "Toots."
The QOTV looks up.
"Go like this," says Denise, and the QOTV realizes she has breakfast on her cheek.
"I was saving some for later."
"You're such a spaz."
The QOTV ducks into the ladies' room to fix her face.
After a splash, and a pat-down with a paper towel, she re-does her lipstick and looks up to check it.
There is, of course, nothing in the mirror but the reflection of the stalls behind her.
"Goddammit," mutters the QOTV.
There is giggling from Chloe at the next sink, where she has been messing with her hair.
"Maybe you need glasses," she suggests, not even bothering to hide her smirk.
"Fuck you!" says the QOTV, laughing.
Lack of reflection is why you rarely meet vampires who are runway models,
Or news anchors,
Or actresses in community theatre.
All those perfectly-coiffed movie vampires? Pure fiction. How would it be done? Staff?
The QOTV comes out and noisily drops into a booth across from her friend, the Dark Haired Chick. (The QOTV becomes fiercely jealous if anyone else sits there.)
"Everyone here are such bitches!" the QOTV complains.
"I heard that," says Denise, without looking up.
"And proud of it, too," chimes in the Succubus, lighting a cigarette with her fingertip.
It is morning at Danny's.
There is a dead guy on the floor.
Don't worry, though.
God will get to him after her break.
Click on the title "Blackberry Way", at the top, to see where I shamelessly stole the title from.