Zombies overrun the nine o'clock service at the First Methodist Church in Norman.
A confused usher tries to hand them programs as they pour in from the back.
The zombies do not know the words to "How Great Thou Art."
The zombies do not have an opinion on same-sex marriage.
The zombies do not have a personal relationship with The Lord, nor do they accept anyone as their personal savior.
The zombies like to eat brains.
"Look how casually they're dressed," sniffs Mildred Mump. "They must be Catholics."
"Shhh!" scolds Penelope Jones, the local librarian.
"I wonder if any of them are single?" speculates Madison Monroe to her friend Kimberly.
The minister invites anyone who would like to be saved, to come up to the front of the church at this time.
The zombies all come.
They eat his brain.
"Welcome, brother!" says old Melvin Baker, not understanding, patting a zombie heartily on the shoulder.
The zombie's arm falls off.
Then the zombie eats his brain.
Grady Popper, who likes to remind his wife that it was Eve who tempted Adam and ruined everything,
And who rests secure in the knowledge that he will go to Heaven while all the Jews, lesbians, liberals, and the like, will burn eternally in an everlasting fire,
Is attacked by a zombie.
The zombie goes hungry.
To the disappointment of George Gipper, who is waiting outside to collect his wife and kids,
And who wanted more time to read the sports section,
Nine a.m. service lets out early.
The zombies pour back out,
Not bothering to stop for cookies in the social hall.
After eating a few last brains for the road, the zombies all head for Danny's Coffee Shop.
"Here comes the church crowd," says Denise, looking out the window.
Extra coffee is put on.
"Zombies!" cries Chloe, the way children say, "The ice cream truck!"
The Queen of the Vampires shape-shifts into a black panther and crouches on the back of a booth, switching her tail.
"Oh god," mutters the Succubus, rolling her eyes.
"Yes, hun?" says God, looking up from her receipts.
At that moment, the zombies come pouring in.
Chloe's eyes get big, and, biting her lip quite charmingly,
She swings a lamp at a zombie with everything she's got.
The zombie's head falls off.
The Queen of the Vampires jumps off the booth and takes out three more zombies,
Then twists and charges around,
Swiping at them with her fearsome claws until all the of the zombies are dead.
The QOTV shape-shifts back to human form, and she and Chloe grin and exchange high fives over a pile of zombies.
The Dark Haired Chick walks in the door and steps over the mess.
"Dahling!" she exclaims, seeing the QOTV.
"Rowww," purrs the QOTV, which, since she is in human form, is kind of neat, and means,
"Look what I did!"
It is not even ten thirty, yet.