Friday, September 30, 2011

The Boring Lover

Madeleine's lover becomes boring--
She longs to simply push him off the balcony,
And watch him fall like an old cherished hope.

Madeleine felt as close to him
As the pomade on his hair.
Constantly, she whispered in his ear
Words of devotion as sweet as any lozenge.

But now,
Though she searches her heart as if it were The Golden Shoulder Bag,
She has to admit that he has become work-a-day,
And no different, really,
From any other man;
He has become the proverbial
Ordinary Brand.

When she suggests that they go dancing,
He looks slightly shocked
As if she had proposed that they drown the cat,
Or go downstairs together to seduce the doorman.
Sometimes she spreads his good tuxedo out on the bed
And lays her head on it, silently.

Madeleine knows
That Death could free her from him--
That if he had to clutch something in the last instant,
It would be his tiresome drug store cigar and not her hand.
Not even the pitiless pavement below
Could make him give it up.

Madeleine imagines
That if she pushed her dull lover off the balcony,
A detective would arrive and step out of the elevator as if he were a vended soda.
He would come in and sit in the chintz chair.
He would ask, "Why did you kill?"
"He smoked," she would reply.

The detective would set down his tea cup,
Put away his pen,
And say, "I know that these things happen.
I know you are a good person."
Then he would add, kindly,
"I know a nice little place where they play a mean rhumba.
Would you like to go?"
And she would say,
I thought you'd never ask."



Scarlet said...

Sounds like she's ready for round two...and it ends with Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust." I love it, chica...but you have to stop inspiring me like this or someone is going to have to warn my husband! lol ;)

hedgewitch said...

She obviously has never listened to the old Paul Simon song (50 Ways to Leave Your Lover)--so much less blood and mess...but then, she wouldn't have met the detective, would she?

Yes, these things happen for a reason...

Mama Zen said...

I just want to know where I can get The Golden Shoulder Bag!

Brian Miller said...

seriously...and industrial sized meat grinder is much more eco-friendly....recycled to the end you know...

Sioux said...

This is a deliciously-wicked poem, Shay. Full of delightful phrases, along with a great "plot."

Caty said...

smoking is a good enough reason...and hey she got to have some fun finally with the detective!

Anonymous said...

This reminded me of a story I had to read in... junior high school I think. Her boring husband cancels their one night of the week out for dinner. She takes a frozen leg of lamb out of the freezer and whacks him upside the head, dead. Puts it in the oven then goes to the grocer for peas and potatoes. Upon returning calls the police hysterically crying. Later tears dried she served the detectives the lamb that "shouldn't go to waste," while they discuss the importance of finding the murder weapon. The moral to both is women need to be taken out on the town!

Lolamouse said...

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but boredom kills marriages (and husbands!)

Sherry Blue Sky said...

"And watch him fall like an old cherished hope." OMG. I love your writing SO MUCH!!!!!!

Lydia said...

Wonderful, Shay. There is more realism in this daydream poem than many would admit. Too bad that people wind up boring one another like they do. I'm still an advocate for a little thing called divorce, however, and do not understand how people actually kill to get out of a relationship.

This just cracks me up!
The detective would set down his tea cup,
Put away his pen,
And say, "I know that these things happen.
I know you are a good person."

Shawna said...

"Or go downstairs together to seduce the doorman" ... Ha! Loved this.