It gave her pain
to part with anything
as if piss were wine
and pennies perfect
tears from Jesus' eyes;
as if fun were debit and deduction
from the piggy bank of Good-Girl Dandy.
It gave her pain
not to ledger the world
and if nails were dear
and the wood too fine
she would purse her lips
at the Sufferer on the tower, and
serve Him vinegar and year-old candy.
_______
for dverse poetics "Halloweeny Humans."
Shay, I read through your poem multiple times and each time I'm more taken by your complex character study. You meticulously nail the form as well. Extra candy corns are in order! P.S. Just listened to the Joni song and looked up the lyrics. It adds yet another dimension to this piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, and thank you for the excellent prompt and form!!! :-)
DeleteShay,
ReplyDeleteWhat a grim , galling portrait of a woman who is all ledger and accounting and no heart for mercy! I love your use of the form to accomplish this meticulous dissection of a loathsome character.
pax,
dora
Thanks, Dora. I'm stoked about the extra candy corn, and plan to share it!
DeleteDora, thanks for putting my thoughts / feelings about this poem into words better than I could. Great poem, Fireblossom!
DeleteThe thing I liked about this form--and exactly what you did with it here--is the way it makes you use each syllable, and give it a place and destination. Like ms_lili, I've read it several times, and each time it just gets better, more scalpel-like in the cutting, more revealing, and while I have not known precisely that person you bring to life here the way you have, I can recognize danger and damage when I see it. Fine writing, and excellent use of the form.
ReplyDeleteExceptional write Shay. Great song and wonderful match! Scorching character sketch. BTW, this was the album that confirmed me as a lifelong Joni apostle.
ReplyDeleteSuch a sharp character sketch that hints at a deeper drama and trauma of her pain. Love the poetry form too, an emphasis on the refrain of her pain.
ReplyDeleteOh yes! This poem is visceral and truly speaks to some horrific human traits. I don't think much has changed since the times of Jesus, but the lessons are there if we choose to learn them.
ReplyDeletei need to come back and re read .great poem
ReplyDeleteOh my ... this speaks to me of childhood trauma, of PTSD, of hoarding/hanging on for the worst of possible reasons. Joni sings it best.
ReplyDeleteExtreme in word perfection and metaphors. This speaks of such toxicity and a close-fisted heart, it's beyond miserly and miserable in painting such an acute characterization - and yet, strangely, it's not viperous - there is an undercurrent of empathy that rests just below the surface, as if one can't help but shake one's head , seeking a broader perspective, as one walks away ....
ReplyDeleteNice one you nailed the form and a type of person who put the tin man to shame
ReplyDeleteMuch💜love
Chilling portrait of meanness - skilfully written.
ReplyDeleteI met her once and that is how I learned to wear ear muffs and run faster than Forest. Love this Shay! It is amazing how you used the form and made us see what we did so brilliantly, as only you can do my friend!
ReplyDelete