As a child, it was always expected that I'd climb.
For the rope trick to work, the jamoora assistant must be obedient,
but I was always more likely to be a burning bride,
going up fast, but on my own peculiar vertical gradient.
In the trick, a rope is left coiled in a basket
at some distance in an open field like a baby at a fire station.
It will then begin to rise like a bhoot as the fakir tasks it,
straight up--it's only disbelief or cartoons that add the ululations.
I was the skipper's little daughter, my father in his linen suit
who read me Longfellow--The Wreck of the Hesperus--
and planted without knowing it, the ghost, the bhoot,
that sank my obedience and scotched the trick for both of us.
When the rope has risen, the child is sent out to climb,
disappearing in the clouds, not answering the fakir's call,
He follows behind with a knife and rose in his smile,
to chop her up, bring her down, and reassemble her after all.
Do you believe in all that?
Or the tales the Upanishads tell?
Do you believe the Victorian accounts as fact?
And the zombie obedience of jamooras as well?
Of course, the trick is just bullshit.
I disappeared into Ginsberg and Grover Lewis--that's real--
reassembled myself, got high then got straight,
and put my queer shoulder to the wheel.
________
For First Poems: Door To The Wilder Eye at Earthweal, hosted by my dear friend Hedgewitch. She wants to know what instilled in us "...the maker's rage to order words."
Notes: The earliest poem I can remember being thrilled by was Longfellow's poem about the Hesperus. My father read it to me and showed me the book--which I still have--so that I could find it again and read for myself, which I did many times. Later, I found the same visceral feeling of discovery when introduced to Dickinson, Ginsberg (from whose poem "America" I have taken my final line), and my man Grover Lewis, all of whom crashed into my orbit and altered my trajectory by the time I was 18. I come from a family of achievers, and my great love of poetry, music, baseball, and not much else came as a sharp disappointment to my parents. But, the die was cast, and as Emily wrote: "The Soul selects her own Society--Then--shuts the Door"
The Indian rope trick goes pretty much as I have described in the poem. It is probably a Victorian fiction from the time of Empire, but who knows? A jamoora is a child assistant, blindly obedient to the fakir or magician performing the trick. The term can be used simply to describe a mindless conformer. A bhoot or bhuta is a ghost. The Upanishads tell a fable similar to the rope trick, except this time it's a juggler whose juggled objects disappear, then come back down and reassemble.
Such a delightful metaphor to bring to proceedings and rolled out here with real craft. I also felt tugged by the rope that leads to the image of you with your own society behind the closed door along with Ginsberg, Dickinson and Grover Lewis. Queer shoulder to the wheel indeed. Brilliant writing.
ReplyDeleteThis just blew me out of the water, Shay. It has a quite unique feel and sound which does seem to come from the simple force of an early voice. (One of my mother's favorite ways of referring to me was as 'the wreck of the Hesperus,' but I'm pretty sure it was not a compliment.) Your central metaphor of the Indian rope trick, a familiar total mystery, seems extremely appropriate to the personal story of the narrator, due of course, to the skillful way you have shaped it in every stanza. Then there are the almost throwaway extra gems, like ".. in an open field like a baby at a fire station..." and "..with a knife and rose in his smile.." which flesh it all out. I'm so glad you chose to share this with earthweal, Shay. A very fine origin tale, full of the wilder eye we need to see what matters.
ReplyDeleteI always love the glimpses of your childhood in your poems. The rope tale is intriguing, though the fakir with the knife and rose in his smile is terrifying. Love the glimpse of your father in his linen suit, and especially love your closing lines. Wonderful!
ReplyDeleteThe trick is the father's -- his Longfellow -- but the climb up through the sky belongs to the daughter. I don't remember any trance with poetry as a child -- I had no real ear for it until the damage called for rope tricks. Then I needed myth's unsayables almost more than booze.
ReplyDeleteLongfellow and the Upanishads. Linens suits and fakirs. Ginsberg and Grover Lewis. Poetry, music, baseball. And in the middle, the child. Asked to climb the rope. Asked to do the trick. A self-immolation on the altar of narcissistic annihilation. Stricken, but released to self-hood by prophetic poetic voices that showed her a way to reassemble herself, freed to do just that. Your voice rings so clear and true in this poem, Shay: I think you've cleared the clouds.
ReplyDeleteI think we are all climbing that rope. The heart obeys what calls.
ReplyDeleteI was captured by "a baby at a firestation" and devastated by
ReplyDelete"He follows behind with a knife and rose in his smile,
to chop her up, bring her down, and reassemble her after all." Yet your ending that shows the difference between expectations and assembling yourself --met my expectations. Bravo for the blend of images and allusions here.
I love this, Shay! I'm feeling the pressure to conform at the moments, but your words speak directly to me, as I continue to resist...
ReplyDelete