"I found that just surviving was a noble fight" --Billy Joel
If you're bleeding on my block
I'll call an ambulance.
If you're hanging around the kebab truck looking broke
I'll spring for some kofta,
but I can't carry the world's weight--
my own is enough.
It's September and once again I take stock.
My trees are a little bigger--
I touch them with the flat of my hand as I pass
wishing them prosperity.
Sometimes a limb will fall;
I can see where the woodpeckers have been.
There are two different ones who visit--
are they the same ones as a year ago? Two years ago?
Am I the same as I was then?
Will someone call an ambulance for me one day?
One night driving home I ran over a skunk.
My dog killed a different one on a different night.
I felt bad, but kept my car, bathed my dog.
He is my seventh dog. This is my only life.
I've told it all, about the PTSD, the alcohol, the depressions,
and also about recovery, coping, finding joy where I can.
You want to talk about wars and rumors of wars.
Whose side am I on? Aren't I outraged? Don't I care?
It's September and the sky is that glorious rare blue.
The jays have been by, and the grackles.
I did not drink today or wake up screaming.
I did not consider methods of suicide.
I wish all of this for you, too, but peace
is too precious a thing and I'll only give what I can spare.
________
for What's Going On? --"Finding the Balance"
Oh my goodness. Every line of this speaks truth to me (and self-preservation). Our own weight being enough to carry. The flat hand of friendship on the tree. The jays and grackles. The hard-won peace that we protect since we have lived its opposite. Wonderful! I love every line. So glad you wrote and linked this.
ReplyDelete"I'll only give what I can spare." The details that brought us to this conclusion are vivid and persuasive. By the end, I was wishing the voice in this poem would take care of herself. Who else will ever care for us as well as we can?
ReplyDelete"I touch them with the flat of my hand as I pass
ReplyDeletewishing them prosperity."....I simply wish to live in these words forever. They radiate such deep blessings, power and grace.
The last two lines speak volume - that place of peace is precious in our lives and some days it is hard to find. - Truedessa
ReplyDelete"I can't carry the world's weight. My own is enough." - That speaks reams, and I will add that one can only carry one's own weight one day at a time. If we attempted to carry more than that, we would be overcome.
ReplyDeleteI loved all of the detail you wrote into your poem. Seven dogs? If I count my childhood family dog, I am on my 7th now. Living are my 6th (12 years old) and a four-month-old puppy. Life is richer with dogs!
And yes, we only have one life!!
As others have said, the last two lines are gems! Wonderfuil writing!
I really enjoyed this. Savored it, read it again. It's almost like a short story. Excellent read.
ReplyDeleteAn amazing poem with a life so full of good and bad that the world won't fit into that. That's true for most of us. Loved reading this
ReplyDeleteI find the title of this interesting. It leads one to think of all the messaging and demands running through our lives that are presented as urgent but are in fact totally bogus. The poem goes on to show precisely what matters and what doesn't, and that is the heart's long walk towards peace. A fine bit of writing, Shay, putting it all into perspective.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed all the honesty in this poem, and I love the title.
ReplyDeleteI love the bravery and honesty in this poem - and the conclusion speaks of wisdom and knowing and one that resonates deeply - Jae
ReplyDeleteWow!! This is stunning.
ReplyDelete