The Ugly Bird

Once upon a time, Mama Bird--considered to be a beauty--laid three eggs;

Two of them were boys, and beautiful just like the rest of the flock, with all of the very same markings.

"Wonderful," said a beaming Mama Bird.

But the third was not a boy and was not beautiful.

"Shit," said Mama Bird. "I don't think you are even a bird at all. I think you are some sort of feathered mouse.

"Look," she continued, "Stay low in the nest! What if someone should see you and think badly of me?

"Besides," added Mama Bird, frowning into her mirror, "you are plain and ugly even for a girl.

"And stop that singing!"

You see, the flock was beautiful, but never sang,

Being too busy preening to learn any songs.

As soon as she could, the Ugly Bird flew away

And landed in an abandoned orchard.

"Here I can be ugly without offending anyone."

She also indulged her urge to sing, and with the same reasoning.

In the orchard, there was fruit all over the ground, fermenting.

"Woohoo!" said the Ugly Bird, who forgot she was ugly.

The next morning, she said, "Ugh," and felt twice as ugly as before.

A squirrel appeared on an apple tree branch and said,

"You sing so beautifully when you are not fucked up."

"I do?" asked the Ugly Bird.

"You do," said the squirrel.

And so the Ugly Bird began to sing more often.

In the nearby village, the people listened.

The Ugly Bird's songs were so beautiful that they wept.

The Ugly Bird's songs were so beautiful that they laughed.

One day, a radiant young Princess came and sat beneath the tree where the Ugly Bird sang.

"Your songs are so beautiful," she said, "that I feel certain the singer must be too. Wonderful bird, I am in love with you."

The Ugly Bird, hidden high in the leafy branches, said,

"I have two things to tell you. First, I am a girl, too."

"So much the better," replied the Princess, who had never found Princes all that charming.

"And," continued the Ugly Bird, "I am ugly."

"I cannot believe that," said the Princess. "Fly down into my hand and let me see you. Then, we can be happy together forever!"

So, the Ugly Bird fluttered down into her dainty little hand.

"Shit," she said. "You're ugly." and she went stomping and scowling back to her castle.

Heartbroken, the Ugly Bird flew back into the tree and began singing beautiful sad songs about hard-hearted Princesses.

This brought the young Princess back.

"Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!" she cried as she threw rocks up into the tree.

"I think love will elude me," thought the Ugly Bird sadly, while ducking and dodging.

The Ugly Bird lives in her tree to this day. She is ugly, but her songs are beautiful, and so she

Sings

And sings

And sings

And sings

And sings.

"Try and stop me," she says, but except for the angry Princess, no one does.

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