Reanimated Lavender Granola Switchblade Nun rides again.

Friday, April 8, 2011

The Amazing Gypsy Fortune Teller

The gypsy fortune teller said, let's begin then.

Stay away from men named Tom,

Fireworks, bombs,

And poisonous creatures of every description.



Then she sipped her tea

And the silence stretched out

Endlessly.



Anything else? I asked, a little pointedly.

Of course, she said,

And nodded, yes even winked, at me.



Again she sipped her tea

Which habit was becoming

Rather annoying to me.



Well? I demanded. What?



Avoid escalators,

Pontificators,

And pitch men of every stripe.

Shun sailors

And milksops of all persuasions and natures.

Be suspicious of bishops

And high churchmen of all denominations,

But most of all,

Remember that cheap hair spray is an abomination.



What do you recommend? I inquired,

Simply wanting the whole thing to end.



Glue.

Bamboo.

White plaster.

Epoxy or polyurethane.

Pie crust.

Endust.

Cat gut or monkey brains.



I'll be leaving now, I said.

She just sipped her tea

And wiggled her ears

Quite thoroughly amazingly.

_______

14 comments:

  1. Lemme just raise a hand and *vote* for polyurethane.

    I nearly choked on my espresso, laughing at this. Gotta love them wiggly-eared folk! That's talent.

    (yep, Ima ear-wiggler)

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL You are so good at making me laugh, even when I'm in a pissy mood and wishing I had access to nuclear weaponry.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was kinda on board till the monkey brains.

    Thanks for both brightening my day and making me glad I don't use hair spray.

    ReplyDelete
  4. monkey brains get a bad rap, ever since the indiana jones movie...really they are not bad...so i agree with the fortune teller...and i use fiber gum to stand the hawk, not hairspray...

    ReplyDelete
  5. May I suggest AquaNet Xtra Hold?
    I'm from Jersey...so I know from hair products
    I have no idea what the stuff is made of but you could pull 5 g's and your coiff would remain fabulously stratospheric and of course, bitchin'

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love it. "Much the smartness", indeed!

    ReplyDelete
  7. The advice about cheap hair spray is spot-on.

    Could this be the first of several poems about the gypsy fortune teller?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Is the glue to hold the piecrust together and the polyurethane to give it that lovely shine?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Loved it! That could have been a scene from Alice in Wonderland!

    Pat
    www.critteralley.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love this, Shay. Such a fun and interesting character. I too think we should hear more from her.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is so much fun. Great rhyme and alliteration.

    ReplyDelete
  12. holy crap! this has to live on my fridgeeeeeeeeeee

    could also transcribe onto a whiteboard for easy access to imperative reminders.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  13. That's about the kind of fortune teller I'd get!

    And, Rene is so right about the AquaNet!

    ReplyDelete

Spirit, what do you wish to tell us?