Canada becomes belligerent.
Led by Wayne Gretzky, the aggressive new expansionist regime sends its armies pouring across the border into Minnesota.
So many Lutherans!
The land of ten thousand lakes becomes the new Poland, overrun by its neighbor and vanquished in a week.
Truth be told,
The Minnesotans barely look up from their hockey games,
Most of them believing they were already Canadian anyway.
Moose peer out of the woods, amazed!
Next, the Gretzkyist government in Ottawa sets its sights on Michigan.
The White House, occupied elsewhere, shrugs.
The RCMP rounds up the governor and her cabinet;
A kangaroo court is convened.
The mayor of Detroit escapes by night, with the help of his disgraced predecessor.
Investigating agents, sent in from Toronto,
Discover that the Red Wings are actually Swedish!
Apple pie is banned.
Donuts appear everywhere!
Canada, shrouded in snow and mystery,
Is a riddle to most Americans.
The invaders, with their strange accents, mobilize from Detroit,
Which they call "Detroy-it."
Exotic French-speaking women, wearing half the creatures of the forest around their shoulders,
Hypnotize the world and neutralize resistance.
Can anything stop the Canadians?
Americans, driven nearly mad at the prospect of having nothing but "The National" to watch at ten o'clock,
Will Cincinnati fall?
Will Miami be annexed and renamed New Hamilton?
The White House wobbles but does not fall down.
In Detroit, the puppet government reports temperatures in centigrade.
Queen Elizabeth on the money!
Loonies resting in every palm.
Regardez! La guerre est ici!