Saturday, January 2, 2010

Exciting Sports Story #51


In the graveyard, there is a baseball game--

The Righteous versus The Damned.

The Righteous wear crisp uniforms as white as a new Spalding,

And they carry themselves like archangels in cleats.

The Damned cheat like riverboat gamblers--

They doctor the ball and slip heavy files into their gloves.

When they apply a tag,

Someone will soon need a dentist, regardless of the umpire's call.



The Righteous lead five to four in the bottom of the ninth.

Clergy fill the first base stands and cheer, but not too loudly.

On the third base side, women exhort the evil to rally, screaming,

"Smack one, sweetheart!" and they make kissing noises.



The pitcher takes the old horsehide in a right hand that has never been lifted in anger, nor stooped to self-abuse;

He delivers a pitch that is straight and true, like a sermon on Christmas day.

It trails glory behind it and a terrible reckoning ahead of it.



The batter, a snide little bastard if ever there was one,

Sticks out an elbow and is hit with the pitch.

He turns to dust, but is awarded first base anyway.

The pinch runner mouths insinuations about the first baseman's mother as he takes his lead,

And the women on the third base side are making all sorts of rude promises, if only The Damned will score a couple of runs.



The pitcher, rising to his task like a revival preacher, fans the next two batters as if they were naughty children,

And he the schoolmaster.

The clergy on the first base side nearly smile, before catching themselves.

The women opposite them greet the failed batsmen with enthusiastic cries of "you suck!" and shower them with whatever junk they've got in their shoulder bags that might hurt upon impact.



It is all up to the last batter.

The pinch runner takes his lead and digs a sharpened spike into the first baseman's toe.

The hitter, looking like a sooty locomotive in his black uniform, launches a line drive over the head of the fallen first sacker.

The clergy gasp and the women shriek as the ball rolls all the way to the Danny's Coffee Shop sign in right field, like a little bunny in a children's story.



The runners for The Damned move around the bases as if the very Hounds of Hell were pursuing them--

And they are! They are!

Just as the Righteous right fielder gets to the ball, a woman comes out of the stands, wraps her arms around his neck, and lays one on him in a way that no obedient wife ever could.

His arms flail as she kisses him and the ball just sits there,

White and sweet as a June bride,

While the tying and winning runs score.



Disaster!

The Damned have won!

The women on the third base side chant "Chlo-e! Chlo-e!" for indeed, it is her who created the diversion.

The clergy retire to their pulpits, to weep,

While at Danny's Coffee Shop in Norman, Chloe is everybody's darling and she consents to have her picture taken with the waitresses in their ball caps with the red letter "D" on them,

One kissing her on each cheek,

And the Succubus standing smiling behind them

Like a Cheshire cat.

_______

16 comments:

Riot Kitty said...

Which teams are we on? :)

Secretia said...

I really enjoyed that. You have a magnificent gift!

Secretia

Shadow said...

sport does bring out the best and the worst...

Dulce said...

Oh! ha ha! Hee!

my GOD! Girl, lady, you know how they play those matches, and those observing... deciding and .. the ones laughing at the whole silly scene...

You are just a genious- Succubis I need,Succubis I get from you so dearly-
Amazing Shay...
:-)

ellen abbott said...

Sounds like my kind of game!

Ily said...

I knew that sneaky Succubus had to be in there somewhere. :)

Happy new Year, my dear!! Missed you lots! xo

mac said...

I think the rules might just be too oppressive for me on the Rightious team. I could not pitch his game....

....Never ? Not even once?

Well, that, and Chloe and her bunch seem so much more FUN !!

Talon said...

Now that's a baseball game I would have enjoyed seeing in person. I'm not sure what side I would have cheered for - I'd like to think I am righteous, but I'm afraid I'm damned.

That succubus sure knows how to rule her world, doesn't she?

Elizabeth Bradley said...

Crafty. Loved this one.

Mama Zen said...

For one who doesn't like sports . . .

The romantic query letter and the happy-ever-after said...

A game reminiscent of an audite by the tax department at Revenue Canada. You there in your pristine attire clutching crisp white receipt with prayer in your heart but in the end there is nothing but tears for the believed righteous. For in the end all are damned so laugh and slide into home by any means necessary.
☺♥ Simone

G-Man said...

Your DithPickable!!


xxx

Cloudia said...

Serious talent, Shay!

You should be famous and rich


Aloha, Friend!


Comfort Spiral

Debbie said...

Another gem! Thanks.

Daryl said...

True test of my love of/for your words, I made it though all that baeball jargon stuff .. GO EVIL!

Kay said...

and why is it the woman be the doom or glory? :) although, i know the answer hehe