Friday, July 2, 2010

Fireblossom, Chosen By God, Unleashes Super Powers

Twin, Twin. Have you fallen on your head or something? This morning I awoke to find that my beloved Twin, Riot Kitty, had gotten on her blog and spouted something about Wonder Woman needing to cover up. Has she completely taken leave of her senses? Or is this simply part of the heterosexual agenda? You know, Twin, I've been prepared to overlook that about you, even though it's not what God wants, and yes, I do speak for God. She said to me, "Shay, sugar, deal with these earthlings for me, won't you? I've got mah jong!"

If Wonder Woman starts wearing some awful green pantsuit from K Mart, where does it all end?

Zatanna in a snuggie?

Batwoman (who is now a lesbian, by the way, pleasing God) in a bhurka?

Red Sonja (Ily???) in sensible shoes?

I don't think that I can bear it, and so I am taking it upon myself to save Zatanna, at least. (picture courtesy of the amazing Mrs. Mars, though I think it looks suspiciously like Mama Zen. Maybe not.) 

Won't someone save Wonder Woman?

And Batwoman, too?

Remember, some fashion mistakes can never be undone or outlived. Twin, please remember, a generation of little girls needs role models. It's Zatanna or Greta Van Susteren. Need I say more?

______________

18 comments:

Lynn said...

Yes yes - I think it is easier to fight crime in a skimpy outfit. Stay uncovered, super women!!!!

Mojo said...

It's only logical. Let's say you're an evil miscreant... oh... robbing a bank for example. In bursts Wonder Woman all legs and hair and cleavage. It's like one of those flash-bang grenades the SWAT team uses, but without the danger of collateral damage to innocent hostages/bystanders. (aside: does this make WW and Zantana the TWAT Team?) The evildoer is temporarily stunned by the Wonder of Wonder Woman and is easily and quickly subdued with no further damage or harm to the innocent.

Contrast this with the same scenario with the ostensibly minor change of wardrobe. Evil miscreant is robbing bank, everyone on the floor face down when in bursts Fashion Victim in her lime green polyester pants suit. She reminds him so much of his ex wives in this getup that he runs a full clip through his Tommy Gun in a mindless killing spree, blood and brains and entrails spattered about in a decorator's nightmare scene of carnage and destruction. FV (her powers attenuated by the insulating properties of synthetic fibers) is herself even mortally wounded. The bad guy escapes with Aunt May's life savings. The bank is cleaned out and fails starting a domino effect as there are runs on banks everywhere now that FV is no longer around to protect them. And as the US banking industry sinks slowly in the west, the ever patient Fu Manchu grabs control of the offshore banks, becoming money launderer to the world and enters into a pact with Bill Gates to subvert all of humankind to his evil will.

Yes, yes for the love of all that is sacred, please leave WW's costume alone!

ellen abbott said...

By all means, let's not displease God (or the lesbians).

WW rules!

TALON said...

Mojo has a point - ditch the pantsuits and save the world!!

Marion said...

I wish they would have left Wonder Woman's outfit alone. I don't care for her new look. Hell, Batman and Superman wear tights and they're men. Tee-Hee. Great post. Blessings!

Riot Kitty said...

Hahahaha! I have the issue where Batwoman came out, btw.

Brian Miller said...

wonder woman is an icon...no way can you mess with her...it would ruin the lives of all us little boys that grew up watching linda carter...smiles.

Sara said...

Shay,

Let's be practical here. A skimpy outfit is a necessity for a superhero.

I mean if you put a lot of cover-up clothes on Wonder Woman, it would it much harder for her to fly.

Also, could Batwoman move as quickly if she was wearing the "lime green polyester pants suit" mentioned by Mojo? I don't think so.

I vote we leave the superheroes alone. They are who they are:~)

Fragrant Liar said...

Oh man, Zatanna or Van Susteren? A double dip of Zatanna please!

Joanna Jenkins said...

I heard on the radio that were changing Wonder Woman's look and I thought "WTF?!?!?!"

Happy weekend,
jj

Mama Zen said...

Heterosexual agenda:
1. Clothe super heroes
2. Piss off the lesbians
3. Buy milk

Gabriella Moonlight said...

I find it sad and ridiculous that they are doing this to my beloved and secret wife WonderWoman....whom I've seen naked...Need I say more...
Nonetheless..I love this post...LOVE it and yeah it does look like MZ, but then I get likened to WW a lot LOL...it's only the amazonian in me...

Love you!

Ily said...

Can you believe two different men at different times in my life told me I looked like Wonder Woman (one said "Linda Carter") with red hair? Seriously!

mac said...

I don't see Wonder Woman, Ily... I do, however, see a wonderful woman.

Granny Annie said...

My hetero agenda does not include covering Wonder Woman. That is just wrong in any preference. I'm pretty sure you identified Ily correctly as Red Sonia. I simply have no clue who Red Sonia is. (Was Mac's comment a little creepy?)

Kay said...

the new generation gets dora the explorer and talking animals....

we had it so good! :)

mac said...

If telling a woman she is wonderful is creepy, yes, I was creepy.

If it isn't (and I do not believe it is) then no.

cinderkeys said...

Things like this make me wish I were still teaching Sociology of Women. I could've gotten so much class discussion mileage out of recent WW developments.