Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Oh Gawd, Not Another One!

I've been a poet for a while now. I've also, incredibly, had a girlfriend or two. Hey, even a blind mail lady finds the door slot once in a while. So, predictably, I have written them poems. I've noticed that there is an identifiable and consistent pattern to their reactions, over time. So, let me throw on my white lab coat and ask Test Question #1. See if you can guess which of the following statements is more likely to be true:

Statement Number One: "Meet my significant other of thirty years, my darling and one and only (insert name), who is also a poet."

or

Statement Number Two: "Meet (insert name), the poet (or musician, or artist, or actress) I met last week."

If you chose Statement #1, that's wonderful. Have a happy life in your candy-coated fairyland. If you chose Statement Number Two, your feet are firmly planted in reality. Oh cheer up. I've written a list for you. Lane 1, no waiting. Here it is:

Fireblossom's Progression of Reactions From Women Receiving Doggerel Poetry Written By Me, Over Time

Poem #1) Omg!!! WOW! You wrote this for me? Omg. You are too sweet for words. I'm honored, truly. No one has ever written anything for me before! I'm going to keep this forever. MMmmmmmwahhhhhhhh!

Poem #3) My god you are brilliant. This is amazing. Thank you! I love you, Fireblossom!

Poem #6) Another one? For me? Omg. What are you doing? As always, I love it. Thank you. Really.

Poem #10) Wow. Thanks.

Poem #13) I'll read it when I get a chance. I promise. I love them. Gotta run!

Poem 15) Are you sure you gave it to me? I don't remember, I must be going crazy. I'll look for it. If you gave it to me, I'm sure it's here somewhere. 

Poem 16) *sigh* You really write a lot of poems.

Poem 17) I showed it to my friend Sue, and she thought it was really good. We're, um, just friends.

Poem 18) Hi, this is Jane. I can't come to the phone right now, so leave a message at the beep. Bye!

Poem 20) Undeliverable as addressed. Addressee unknown.

5 years later, at a social gathering) Omg. You! Are you still writing that stuff, poems, or whatever? I think you gave me a few of them. Wow, so, (voice going flat) are you still just...writing poems, or...  (voice enthusiastic again) Oh hey! Come over here. I want you to meet my husband! He's an engineer!

__________

21 comments:

Holland said...

Your post is so funny (and sad as well). I recognize the reactions as I used to have the same (sort of).

It seems the turning point in appreciation is at poem #5. So stop there and make them beg for more...lol

ellen abbott said...

Well, that made me laugh.

Eileen T O'Neill - Written Words said...

Fireblossom,

What a wonderfully humourous and realistic piece of observation.

Eileen

Daryl said...

Some people are just plain stupid

Marion said...

You made me smile this morning with your fabulous wit. Here's what I wanna know? Why doesn't anyone ever give US, who LOVE & LIVE FOR WORDS, poetry? My husband used to love the poems I gave him early in our marriage. Now he's like, "OMG, NOT ANOTHER POEM!" Lucky for him, I have a good sense of humor.

Thank God for the Internet where we can find like-minded souls. To me, poems are treasures. Thanks for sharing this. Blessings!

Mojo said...

Have I got a girl for you. If I only knew where she got off to. Lemme see... I know I sent her an email a while back...

Seriously? An engineer?

Lynn said...

Yes - a great observation. Love that cat image. :)

JRM said...

Maybe giveing poems in relationships should be viewed like giving candy in relationships: only every now and then, and everything in moderation. Unfortunately, not everyone like poetry. Because of this fact, every person has a "gift" that they'd prefer - some prefer candy, some flowers, some small gifts, etc... Not everyone appreciates getting candy, if you know what I mean.

Fireblossom said...

Maybe so, JRM, but for me, poetry is not a hobby or a trifle. It is who I am and what I do. I can't imagine having a significant connection with anybody who didn't get that. It would be a little like saying, "I love ya Mozart, but enough with the music already."

Sara said...

Shay,

Hey...I laughed all through this story and I could really relate to it.

I went through a Rod McKuen poetry phase and gave my poems to guys I had crushes on. Usually, they didn't even know I existed until they got their McKuen knock off poem.

You can imagine the responses. At least girls try to be nice:~)

One of my favorite quotes from dear old Rod is this one:

"It doesn't matter who you love or how you love, but that you love."

So, keep giving your poems; they are who you are and show how much you love:~)

Riot Kitty said...

You, like me, have dated some ungrateful shits! Don't worry. I believe your princess will come along...sorry about all of the frogs in the meantime!

Ily said...

Ha! "I love you Mozart but enough with the music already!" You made me LOL.

Beautifully written post, btw.

PS - Anyone who takes a brilliant, thought-filled gift from your soul and trivializes it like that should be burned at the stake!

mac said...

Obviously, I'm nt your girlfriend ;-)

But, I think I have read more than 20 of your poems, yet I never grow tired of them !

Brian Miller said...

nice. i admire your conviction as well in your reply to JRM...i imagine it to be quite unhappy to be with one who can not see the world ina poem...

Senorita said...

"Even the blind mail lady finds the slot once in a while"

Priceless !

Tabitha Bird said...

You know I love your stuff, right? :)

Anyone who wasn't thrilled to get a poem from you is mad MAD MAD!

TALON said...

We all have gifts to share - I think of them as heart gifts. And if the ones we love aren't loving our heart gifts then we definitely need to think about re-gifting.

cinderkeys said...

Problem is, you can't exactly regift a poem (or short story, or song). No one wants secondhand verses.

That only applies to specific people, though. It's always OK to broadcast your work to the masses after presenting it to your intended. :)

(I need to write a song with the phrase "secondhand verses" in it ...)

joanny said...

SMILES, yes keep writing, you will attract the one who can appreciate your very soul, for we poets tend to write from the soul and put it right out there, some people cannot handle a relationship without the mask.

Leave yours off and keep on writing.

Love the dialog very creative.

Joanny

Mama Zen said...

How many times have I told you to only date women that can read?

Kelly Dickson said...

i'm sure i'm due a poem!!! *babyK foot stomp* lol - i actually read this a few days ago, tickled me, loving the LOLCats!!!! Do some moreeeeeeeeee :)