Please Be Stupid Someplace Else

Darlings, sometimes something or someone comes along that is just so stupid I have to sit up and be ill. Michigan Republican Paul Scott (Grand Blanc) is the latest human syrup of ipecac to stand up and take a stand for good old-fashioned idiocy.

As has been noted, I live in a place where the best minds in the biggest local industry thought that the Edsel was a good idea. Not so much, guys. As has also been noted, our state has plenty of pressing problems, including rampant unemployment, crime, an eroding tax base, loss of population and corruption. Also, the Tigers just can't catch the damn Twins.

Into this grab-bag of problems to be solved, leaps Paul Scott. And which, of these many worthy issues, has he decided to involve himself in? Mr. Scott is vigorously opposing relaxed regulations in granting transgendered people passports. Um, that's a federal issue, for one thing, Paul. See the big map? That's fed-er-al. See the little mitten? That's Mich-i-gan. Oh for pete's sake, let's go over it again for Paul.

Mr. Scott is also opposed to state driver's licences being changed for the transgendered. Ever. Under any circumstances. Quoth Paul:

I'll make it a priority to ensure transgender individuals will not be allowed to change the sex on their driver's license in any circumstance.

"It's a social values issue. If you are born a male, you should be known as a male. Same as with a female, she should be known as a female."

Way to set those priorities, Paul. If the transgendered are allowed to change their driver's licences, what would be next? Parallel parking?

When asked to explain how such a mandate from the Secretary of State would benefit Michigan, he said it was about "preventing people who are males genetically from dressing as a woman and going into female bathrooms."

Oh dear. Bathroom fear. What is it that Congressman Scott thinks it is that transwomen want to do in there? Darlings, I think the answers are obvious. First, ladies' rooms have flowers and a sofa and men's rooms do not. And then of course, is the real reason...they want to go to the ladies' room for the same reason that women have always gotten up from the table and headed there in a pack: they want to get away from clueless blowhards like Paul Scott for a few blessed minutes.

He said his mandate would be in place even for those who had completely undergone sex reassignment surgeries.

Um...using the urinal is really going to be a problem, Paul. But hey. No whiskers in the sink. Speaking of the sink, Paul don't, no, oh Paul don't.....jesus, Paul. That's disgusting.

"That's who you are. You can have cosmetic surgery or reassignment surgery but you are still that gender," he said.

No pulling the wool over Congressman Scott's eyes. Someone has to stand up for traditional values. You are your plumbing. A black man is only three fifths of a person. The only good Indian is a dead Indian. God hates fags. Amen and God bless America!

As for me, my driver's licence and passport both say "F." Some have argued that in my case, the F stands for "fluffbrain." I say it stands for Fuck You if You Don't Like Me. I would make a lousy man anyway. I don't like chili cheesy fries.

All right then, anyone want to visit the ladies' with me? Thank Goddess for our own space. I understand that, in that other restroom, there are Republican family-values Congressmen in all the stalls, tapping away with their black FBI shoes. Omg. So that's why there's no sofa in there! It would only encourage them!
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