Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Canadian Space Program

The Canadian Space Program languishes.

They can barely coax a four seater as far as Yellowknife, let alone launch a space station.

All Canadians drag a heavy anchor of shame behind them, because of this.

Imagine if Ottawa established a vibrant new agency, and Canadians pushed towards the stars!

Imagine handsome strong men and beautiful capable women dressed in uniforms which honor the fabled Leafs and Habs with their blue and red colors!

Imagine transmissions coming in from amazing new worlds, in both English and French, eh?

Sure, no one would have any idea what those excitable French were saying, but so what?

Alors! Allons nous!

Some chick and her cats are launched towards Mars.

They travel at umpty billion kilometers per hour, but it feels to them as if they are floating like dandelion fuzz.

Canadians pour into the streets, cheering.

In an access of enthusiasm, they take Detroit and Buffalo, and launch them into space as well.

Soon there are Timbits on the moon.

Can anything stop the Canadians?

It is discovered that the dust of the lunar surface is just like snow.

The 2018 Winter Games are awarded to the moon, under the auspices of Canada!

Drunken lumberjacks shout and pummel each other in a spontaneous expression of joy and national pride.

Winnipeg, gloriously inspired, brings the Stanley Cup home to Canada, and they don't even have a team!

All across the north, it is a new day.

From space, the chick and her cats broadcast on Christmas Day.

"In-fucking-credible!" she reports, and the news media repeats these now famous words endlessly.

It's better than a visit from the old-ass Queen of England any day.

This could be your legacy, Canadians!

Up! To work!

To the very heavens!

We have lift-off!!!

Oh hell yeah.



hedgewitch said...

I don't know, some of the Canadians I've met have been totally spaced out.

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

I would drive to the moon for Timbits. just sayin'

Lynn said...

That would be cool!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Cackling! Love the juxtaposition of the photo and the title - classic Canadian, eh? And whoa! Timbits on the moon. Now there's an idea! You are truly hilarious. You made my morning. But they better get started before all the tundra melts!!!!!!!

TALON said...

If only I weren't scared of heights... :(

Cloudia said...

Submit this shit to some Canadian mag or site!

You good. I keep telling you youre too good for us...

Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral


Cloudia said...

for JUST us, ahem...

Cloudia said...

and a bag of chips

Cloudia said...

doo dah

is this spamming?

or padding?

or just cloudi going off?

Lisa said...

Oh Wow! I am totally stoked!! ALSO, feeling hopeful in a "Field of Dreams" kind of way. "If you build it they will come". Am also really pleased to think of the Olympics being on the moon. We had the apparent priviledge of hosting that last year. I don't know anyone who could afford to go though. Some people were excited though. The only thing we can agree on are the Timbits.



mac said...

as an addendum:

New world records are expected in the ski jump !

Mama Zen said...

They're winning the future!