Monday, January 3, 2011

Feral Flux



I tried to fit in.

I did.

I tried to sleep in a bed,

To stretch out on linen sheets with the scent of lavender on my skin,  light as a blessing,

Or like snow on the frozen,

Staring straight up.



After a while, I always begin to itch and wear out razors by the pack full,

Every day,

Watching the dirt on my feet turn to pads,

My nails to claws.



I tried to lunch with the ladies.

I swear.

They ordered salads, and I meant to, too,

But before I knew it,

I was skidding across the table with a rabbit in my jaws

And it bled

On the cutlery and the bread,

And I grew nervous

As I lay it down dead and jumped through the plate glass

And into the night.



I tried to be what I saw.

Honestly.

But I have always been so hungry,

So wild,

So other.

I have skulked around garbage cans and allowed housewives to shoo me with brooms.

Now, though,

I will drag one by her dreams to my home dug into the earth.

I will call her by the name of the eclipsed moon.

I will wait for her until she comes barefoot to seek my golden gaze

On the coldest night of the year.



Then,

I will tend as smooth and soft as such things can ever go;

I will speak in the voice I forgot before my earliest memory,

And I will make love with her

This time--

Oh, this time,

Without searching.

_________

17 comments:

cinderkeys said...

Sigh.

TALON said...

"I will speak in the voice I forgot before my earliest memory" - ah, for it to be all wiped out and started anew.

Beautiful, Shay.

signed...bkm said...

"i will try to be what i saw"...that is the line that got me...now much truth ...it leaves me thinking about (being without searching)....bkm

hedgewitch said...

Ah, Shay. It begins beautifully and each line builds image by image upon the one before til the end is for tears. I can't pick out one line but the stanza that holds this is my favorite: "I will drag one by her dreams to my home dug into the earth...I will call her by the name of the eclipsed moon..." I feel like I've dreamed this, not read it.

Lisa said...

pssst...hey, if you go before i go...can i have your mind?

xx

Shadow said...

in the end, self triumphs...

Lynn said...

Wow. This is amazing.

Mama Zen said...

"And it bled
On the cutlery and the bread"

That's amazing.

Jannie Funster said...

Still can't believe I actually "know" you. What a freaking treat to read your words.

Pull her by her dream, ahhhhh.

xoxo

Jannie Funster said...

Sorry, "drag" her by her dream. freaking awesome. I can just see her dream like long hair she is dragged by. Maybe a braid.

xo

Marion said...

Wow, this just blew me away. So feral, indeed, and powerful. Just awesome!!

Blessings,
Marion

ellen abbott said...

fitting in is over-rated.

Daryl said...

So very lyrical ..

Sara said...

Shay,

Your words touch on the feral in all of us. As women we're taught to be polite, to eat nicely and behave properly. But each of us has a wild side that this poem expresses. Each of us has those moments when we were "So wild/So other."

Since others shared their favorite lines, mine was: "I will drag one by her dreams to my home dug into the earth." I love the words "by her dreams."

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Wow. A full repast! I especially love "I will call her by the name of the eclipsed moon.". But I absolutely adore the leaping across the table with a rabbit in her mouth, dripping blood on everything, on all the pretty salads. Oh I wish my brain worked just a FRACTION the way yours does! (Notice my daughter knows better than to ask for MY brain, hee hee. Living with it once is more than enough for her:))

Lisa said...

ummm...no offence, but wouldn't that be genetically redundant? xx

Kim Nelson said...

Sometimes it's just too freakin' hard to fit in.