Saturday, January 19, 2013

Scene Beneath A Quarter Moon

Appetite honors no fences,
senses trespass where they will;
killing the smaller, the weaker, and the rolling in my gut,
but attaching no moral reckoning.

Singing to the moon, because she, too, is alone,
bone and blood keep body and soul together
whether my mark or your boundary approve;
moving, always closer, as the moon reflects in my eyes and off the barrel of your rifle, tracking each other, unpitying and relentless. 
_________

A chained rhyme for Sunday Mini-Challenge at Real Toads, hosted this time by my dear friend Hedgewitch.


23 comments:

TexWisGirl said...

yowza! that makes my coyote look like a yorkie. :)

jasmine said...

Scary but true. Your sound is excellent throughout the piece, greatly adding to the feelings of rising fear, which must be quieted or the speaker risks being cornered. The intensity of the moment has been well captured, whether this is wolf and human tracking one other, or just animalistic humans. I'm sure the moon is the moon regardless.

I really like these lines:

"Appetite honors no fences,
senses trespass where they will"

"attaching no moral reckoning"

"whether my mark or your boundary approve"

"tracking each other, unpitying and relentless"

hedgewitch said...

I have always said you do form as well or better than anyone, on the rare but significant occasions you choose to use it--this is no exception.
You make full use of the chain rhyme's potential to echo within each line and ring like a bell in the distance, muffled but insistent. Then of course, the wild spirit, the howling at the moon, when coached within even this much formality, is all the more apparent and strong. the end of this is inexorable, relentlessly cold and sharp as a white wolf fang reflecting a moon-bitter brightness. Very fine writing, Shay to prompt, and as pure writing, not even thinking about form or its little corsets, as well. Thank you.

Lolamouse said...

Those opening two lines are real grabbers! I love how the form of this poem makes it read like a stalking animal sliding through the woods. Wonderful!

manicddaily said...

Terrific, Shay. Very fine - agree with Joy - the form works like a kind of pacing (of all kinds), and the sense of moon and cold and wilderness and all those bounderies, markings, on all sides is very strong. k.

manicddaily said...

boundaries, I mean.

Kay L. Davies said...

Ferociously fabulous, Shay.
"unpitying and relentless"...you and the wolf have the rhythm down perfectly, so that the rhyme (supposed to be the raison d'etre of the challenge) seems an integral part of the wolf's gait.
K

hedgewitch said...

and I meant 'couched' not 'coached.' Yeesh.

Hannah said...

I love this song!! brings me back...

So, yeah you rocked this form, Shay!! Really. I love the topic and the image you chose and your rhyme choices are excellent....echo they do and the fact then that your character howls an imagined echo there....there's so much that works throughout the entirety.

I love the opening lines...powerful writing! :)

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I was riveted by the picture and the story. I had to go back and read it again to admire the excellent execution of the form, once I saw your footnote. I had been too inside the poem to notice, first time through.

Wow.

Kerry O'Connor said...

Your gift is free verse, and I'm amazed to see how easily you incorporated the chained rhyme within your signature style. I love the way the last note of each line echoes at the start of another - a haunting wolf-song, wild and free.

Loredana Donovan said...

Haunting! Great job incorporating the chained rhyme into your free verse style.

Robyn Greenhouse said...

Your words matched the feel of the eyes on that coyote!

Marian said...

you make this challenge seem effortless, while i found it quite difficult. kudos!

Sioux said...

What a wonderful pairing-- the "killing the smaller, the weaker, and the rolling in my gut."

The ending is brilliant as well: "as the moon reflects in my eyes and off the barrel of your rifle, tracking each other, unpitying and relentless."

Shay--I had to look closely (call me "ignorant") to figure out what a "chained rhyme" was. It's a form that I may try at some point, even though my attempt will pale next to yours.

Kim Nelson said...

Yep. Predators, all, at one time or another. And you engaged two in a dance, ending the film before the viewer got a chance to see who remained on the floor.

razzamadazzle said...

Great piece. Love the primal nature of the poem. It's a great picture too!

jane hewey said...

really beautiful. I love your opening lines. Your emotion does not bleed here but your love of nature fills your verse.

myheartslovesongs.com said...

"Singing to the moon, because she, too, is alone"

LOVE that line!

another poetry form slayed by Fireblossom!

that's one of my favorite Doors' songs.

Other Mary said...

So much truth here. I love everything about it, from the picture to the song, to (most importantly) your words.

Mama Zen said...

Damn. This moves so naturally and beautifully that I didn't even realize it was form at first. Incredible writing, Shay.

Judy Roney said...

Wow, your way of turning things from peaceful scenes to murderous intent is uncanny. Shiver.

Chhavi Vatwani said...

Gaunt. As gaunt as a write up about that wolf could get. Absolutely brilliant.