Wednesday, January 29, 2014

The School For Brevity

meets only on monday.

masters stern as a disease
cut you dead off at the knees.

come be silent, locked away
before you half begin to say.

________

138 characters for Words Count with Mama Zen at Real Toads.
she asks for a twitter-like 140 characters or less.
sounds too much like haiku, to me! 

26 comments:

TexWisGirl said...

short and stern. :)

Lolamouse said...

"Brevity is the soul of wit."

Kerry O'Connor said...

Sounds like just about any day in my classroom.

;-)

hedgewitch said...

You manage to cut to the quick even in 140 characters. Personally, I think brevity sucks--but that just could be that it takes me twenty words to say what one could. Really well done response, Shay.

Pealogic said...

I knew these masters, they could be evil

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Ha ha, love the comment about haiku - you just barely escaped that fate!

grapeling said...

it's haiku. face it - technology conspires against magic, and twitter subsumes japanese form. resistance is futile. :) ~

razzamadazzle said...

Love it!

Sam Edge Author said...

Sounds like those teachers that almost turned me from a lefty to a righty.

Didn't stick though.

And yes this is very haikuesque for you FB

Kim Nelson said...

You most clearly do not appreciate this particular school! Message aptly delivered! :-)

Susan said...

Perfect. Short changing all.

Kenia Cris said...

You sound perfect, no matter how many words they let you use. <3

restraintunfettered.com said...

Sounds like my time in elementary school with nuns as teachers. That said I do think brevity has its usefulness. I like your tone, let's us know how you feel. :)

Other Mary said...

But you didn't need any more words - this is sharp and to the point and so well done!

De said...

Excellent!

Grandmother (Mary) said...

stern as a disease paints a grim picture... brevity is hard.

HermanTurnip said...

Short and to the point. If said in a cadence it sounds like something a girl would recite while skipping rope. Nice!

Helen said...

... like Other Mary says ~~ pencil point sharp! Ouch.

Margaret said...

Defiance rings loud and clear here!

Susie Clevenger said...

Love it! You certainly got your point across. :)

Mama Zen said...

What Lolamouse said! But, I thought we met on Wednesdays . . .

Sean said...

As others have said! This poem does not feel limited in any way, due to the word count limit. Great job!

Daryl said...

perfect for wordless weds. ;)

Linda said...

This is wonderful! The photo and poem match perfectly.

Ella said...

I see a movie scene in my head! The poem so matches the view~ Nicely done

Kay L. Davies said...

LOL
I remember oldtime schools where silence was insisted upon, loudly.
Luv, K