Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Pop Quiz

This test is compulsory.
It is a timed test.
We started without you.

The first and last questions count the most.
What is your name?
Please put it at the top of your test.
Hint: this may be a trick question.

Let's try a story problem:
If Jane has three apples,
and gives one to Billy,
why would she do that?

Suppose that Billy takes another of Jane's apples,
and gives it to Mary;
now deal with each one's pride, happiness, anger.
You may not leave the problem blank.

Extra credit:
Why Jane?
Why apples?

Section three.
Do you play a musical instrument?
Have you ever wanted to play a musical instrument?
Which one?
Here is a different one.
Start playing.

Does it bother you if people watch, say things, judge?
While you're doing that,
here is one other person,
All of them want something from you.
Keep playing.

What is your best subject?
Please complete all the other subjects first.

Now, answer the following questions "YES" or "NO".
What is the best approach to doing well on this test?
How have previous experiences affected your answers?
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
What do you remember most about your parents?
How do you feel about your spouse?
What have you kept from them?
What things are truly "yours"?
What will you do when you leave here today?
Will it be today?

Final section.
Remember that the first and last questions count the most.
Do you feel that the test was unclear,
or even impossible?
Did you feel that you were given enough time to decide your answers?
Were you doing the whole thing for someone else,
or for yourself only?
While taking this test, did you experience
Did you want to quit before the test was finished?
Did you quit?
Would you recommend this test to others?
Do you trust the examiner(s)?
Do you feel that the test contained an ultimate "point"?

Do you care that the test will continue on without you?
Did you find the whole thing overwhelming and unfair?

Final question:
Do you think that makes you unique?

for Poetry Jam, "yes or no"

image found on



Anonymous said...

You sure know how to make a girl sweat. I couldn't even get past the first question, so I'm turning in mine blank. I'd rather take a zero than be graded. I'll slap some erasers for you or something.

As was the case yesterday and the day before, this is your new best poem. Sidebar please. --->

Now, to think up a name.

TexWisGirl said...

it made me want to cry...

Robyn Greenhouse said...

Funny how those two words - pop quiz - can still give me a start!

Helen said...

Oh man ... how like you to spring a pop quiz on we mere mortals! Just give me an F ~ now!


Anonymous said...

Oh, wow. This poem hits pretty hard. Life (& love) can never be so standardized... and yet, who can't empathize with this? Well done.

Chhavi Vatwani said...

Damn, your questions slapped me. Every single of them. Or punched in my gut. did you even create such a huge quiz! Every single question!

Yea, I'll just take an F too.

Laurie Kolp said...

Clever and very creative take on the prompt, Shay.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

You just keep pulling impossibly original and humorous things out of that brain of yours. Just reading this list made me want to lie down in a darkened room and Think No Thoughts. Hee hee.

Brian Miller said...

look i have to give enough pointless quizzes to meet state guidelines and standards of learning...smiles.ha. fun response shay.

and only some blog comments, you know...smiles.

Anonymous said...

You tidily summed up the last twelve months of my life. Also, yes. And no. And all, all, all of the above.

This is ridiculously profound and awesomely horrendous all at once.

hedgewitch said...

I love the Yes or No questions that are nonsensical if answered yes or no, and the subtle framing of all the ways we are tested by others whose agendas have nothing to do with our real answers. 'The first and last questions." a brilliant line for soft, insistent repetition.

Anonymous said...

holy moly! i loved the garden paths this led me down... & made me think of some tests i've had to sit for {takes a deep breath}

Mary said...

This is great, Shay. I would say we are dealing with a case of an unreliable examiner here. LOL. I felt as if I was in the 'twilight zone.' Clever write.

ND Mitchell said...

Very creative response. Nice one :)

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Wow, a combination of grad school and my first marriage - how'd you do it? :)

uneven steven said...

what buddah said - only undergrad for me -

Anonymous said...

what image?? did you forget to bring it from did you hide it? how long did it take you to come up with such a long list of annoying questions? are you happy now? were you happy before? are you hungry?

and in answer to all of your questions ~ maybe

Fireblossom said...

Oh, Sista Poet, you are such a smartass! LOL @ maybe.

And YES, I forgot to add the image I had chosen. I can't tell you how often I have almost forgotten to add the image, cos it is typically the last thing I do before posting; either that or the labels. Anyway, it's there now. Thanks, SP!

Mama Zen said...

I wish that I had written this!

Poet Laundry said...

Ha...made me smile...and search for Ibuprofen.

g-man said...

All of the students have finished their quiz, save one.
The G-Man!
The Teacher, Ms . Fireblossom , was growing impatient with his blank stares and muttering under his breath.
He decided to make his move.....
" Oh please Ms. Fireblossom , please please please. I need a D- minus to pass 102,
This is my fourth try and I need this class to graduate. Please please please??????
( That boy sure could grovel, of course he got his D-Minus)

Wayne Pitchko said...

i like what you did with the prompt...nuicely done

Peggy said...

I was sucked into this journey through the pop quiz! Did make me want to get up and run out of the test room!

rashmi menon said...

searching qs- i esp liked 'what things are truly yours' and how one has to 'keep playing'. Deep poem.

Lynn said...

Lots of questions there.

JANU said...

The questions confuse and so I fail.

Outlawyer said...

I lost my first five comment attmepts which has made me feel like the test ongoing - I am now using an old blogger account - it's me Manicddaily -

Agh. The beginning especially compelling for me as its versimilitude to a real test quite striking (as well as to a "life test"). Really very funny/mordant - you gotta love/hate them apples! k.

Sara said...

I don't need the questions to know I am unique. We all are:~)

Anonymous said...

Lol I love the humor and character in this! Well done!

Judy Roney said...

This is a wonderful spoof on all the tests we have to take or have taken. It also had my insides twisted trying to think what my answer would be/should be. I felt the humor and the exasperation as I read this test. I like this test a lot but I can't take it. I'm not strong enough.

SaraV said...

Shay, you made me laugh while almost bringing on a full anxiety attack :-) A real mindstream of a test taker's worst nightmare--A+!

cinderkeys said...

The answer to the final question: "Y-- No. Hey!"