Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Ohmuhgaw !

It is mid-afternoon on a Tuesday at Danny's Coffee Shop.
Denise the waitress is doing her nails.
Chloe the serial felon is meditating to "Relaxing Sounds Of Ocean & Surf".
The Succubus is crashed with her face on the table, drooling, but she still has on her cool shades. Savanna the teenage runaway puts a sticky that says "kick me" on the Succubus's huge black wings.
She thinks this is enormously hilarious.

The kitten Giuseppe Verdi wanders up to a table full of girls, wanting the standard fuss and adoration he is used to at Danny's,
but these are popular girls from the high school.
One of them screws up her face and says, "Ohmuhgaw. Why do these places always have cats??"
There is a book sticking out of her bag. Perhaps it is ornamental. She doesn't seem like a reader.

Denise looks up from her mani.
Chloe's chi goes off center and she ditches the Relaxing Surf.
The Succubus wakes up and flutters her wings,
which sends Savanna off the deep end, laughing.

One of the popular girls notices the charged silence and asks, challengingly,

Just then, a blinding black blur comes hurtling at their table and lands on it, scattering all the bottled waters and ipads. 
"RAWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!" says the blur, turning in circles on top of the table, like a maniac.
It is, of course, The Queen of the Vampires, in black panther form.

"OhmuhGAW!" screech the popular girls, as the QOTV demolishes their booth.
"Eww. Why do these places--"
but she is interrupted by the QOTV clawing out her nasty overdyed hair.
Luckily for her, the cat is distracted by the book that the kitten Giuseppe Verdi has pulled from the girl's bag.

Together, they go from one end of Danny's to the other, destroying the book with unrestrained glee.
they say.
It was probably not a history book, but now that book is history.

"Ohmuhgaw," squeaks one of the popular girls from underneath a table.
Chloe the serial killer sticks her head upside down beneath the table and inquires,
"Tell me, lame popular girl, what was that book?!?"
Popular Girl's glossed lip trembles as she says,

"The Oxford Book Of Haiku".


G-Man said...

Black Wing-Ed Creature
L'Object d'art of Shaysie
Star in my Haiku!!

G-Man said...


TexWisGirl said...

laughing at g-man's comments. :)

'probably not a history book but now the book is history' hardiharhar!

Kerry O'Connor said...

Just another ordinary day at Danny's, huh?

hedgewitch said...

ROFLMAO here. That last line is paralyzingly funny, and I love the over-dyed hair coming out by the black black roots--I always love when your poems cause others besides moi to lose their hair. I hope someone has some catnip behind the bar to reward and mellow the felines out once their job is done.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Ohmuhgaw! This is freaking hilarious and I laughed out loud at the last line. Danny's Coffee Shop poems could be your next book, kiddo! They so rock.

Grandmother said...

What a cast of characters, and your ability to spin their stories is enormously hilarious!

Cloudia said...

I truly love your World,

Helen said...

... is it really all that bad?

Mama Zen said...

"She doesn't seem like a reader."


Anonymous said...


like, totally!

you fucking smart ass!

Paul said...

Every coffee shop has a character or three, sounds like Danny's is full of em! A nice read, had to chuckle as I read this.