Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Blechface the Terrifying

Blechface, the terrifying monster, opens a Facebook account and starts posting.
She posts selfies that everyone hates.
She switches to kittens and makes scads of friends.

Blechface the terrifying monster is part squid, part insect, and part monkey.
Pervs she doesn't know from Adam send her private messages, which she ignores.
Facebook suggests friends:
Susie, Annie, Bob, Gerry.
How to approach them? By sea or by air? (By tree?)

Blechface the terrifying monster puts this problem aside, and works on her profile.
mating, ingesting, establishing territory, poetry and movies.
Looking for:
mates, food, territory, poetry and movies about these topics.

One day Blechface meets someone on Facebook who seems to understand her.
He sees that she is
Blechface the Royal,
Blechface the Brilliant,
Blechface the tentacled sea mollusk, with exoskeleton and prehensile tail.
Blechface the Babe.

They arrange to meet.
Blechface the Coy insists that he come to her, and so he boards an Amtrak in Ohio,
and travels to her home in Galveston bay.
Imagine her surprise when he turns out to look so different from his profile picture!
She was expecting Sean Connery,
but he turns out to be Tabbyface, the Unbearably Cute Kitten.
She shrugs her tentacle and smiles.

"I will make you the happiest little puffball dude in all creation," she tells him.
"I will take pictures of you and make you a MEME."
He gets a thousand "likes" the first day on her time line.
"Pooky," she says, hauling him up into her tree.
"Foxy ladyyyyyyy," he purrs.

Blechface and Tabbyface, trending forever.


hedgewitch said...

It hasn't taken you long with Farcebook to figure out exactly where it's at, has it? This was very dangerous reading for my keyboard, what with my coffee spraying everywhere and all. Excuse me, I have to go *like* a kitten.

TexWisGirl said...

you're just too clever. i truly felt like blechface yesterday, but hopefully my tentacles are less noticeable today. :)

Timoteo said...

Welcome to the Hotel Face Crack...you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.

Mama Zen said...

A modern romance!

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Ah, young virtual love!

Lynn said...

Ha! Love that, FB. A facebook fantasy...

Sherry Blue Sky said...

This is such a purr-fect take on the scene. Loved it. "Foxy ladyyyyyy", he purrs. LOL.

Gillena Cox said...

i'll tag the ending 'And they lived happily ever after'

best of luck

much love...

brudberg said...

Hilarious.. the logic of Zuckerberg exposed.

Kay L. Davies said...

Wonderfully done, Shay!

my heart's love songs said...


gotta love those adorable kittens!

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Oh, I do like a Happy Ever After story!

Shadow said...

Hell, eeeeeverybody's on FaceBook it seems....

Marian said...

Not all catfish stories have such happy endings! Meow!

Kerry O'Connor said...

This basically sums up everything I hate about online social networking in the most entertaining way.

Susan said...

Hahahahahahahaha! The Flakebook fairy tale! You are brilliant!

Susie Clevenger said...

This does seem to be the world of tech romance. The ultimate exclamation to love is to be "trending." This made me giggle. At least there weren't any family trolls clawing at them. :)

Kim Nelson said...

Oh my freakin' heck! Hilarious... and incredibly astute.

Daryl said...

"Blechface and Tabbyface, trending forever." the perfect 'ending'

Sara said...

I wish you have heard laughing through this! To be honest, I struggle with FB.

I really did try for awhile, but I'm just too old to really get it. Plus, I always hit "enter" and leave half written messages floating out there in FB space.

Now to my favorite part of this poem:

"Facebook suggests friends:
Susie, Annie, Bob, Gerry.
How to approach them? By sea or by air? (By tree?)" LOL I'm still chuckling as I re-read these words:~)