Dear ferocious man-eating tigah,
ooooh, hims so GRUMPY today!
Did that last villager not agree with hims's tummy?

Ow! Hey!
Enough with the caveman drag-her-by-the-hair routine!
I just had it looking the way I like it.
You a big, striped, pain in the butt sometimes!

My girlfrens say, honey, that cat gonna swallow you whole.
I say, pffft, hims a pussycat.
See, what if I dangle my charm bracelet in fronta your face?
Eyes left, eyes right, eyes left...
You got such purty golden eyes, pooky.

See this charm?
It's a cat. It's cuzza YOU!
I knew we could handle all this like adults.
After all, you're nearly three.

Tigah in the mangrove swamp.
Tigah want his lunch!
Tigah swipe my Cobb salad.
Tigah, thanks a bunch!

Now, lookee.
If you eat me, Mr. ferocious man-eating tigah,
then I won't be here no more to tell you
ohhhhhh, hims so pretty,
hims so strongggggg!
And blah-dee-blah, don't pretend that you don't lap it up.

Okie dokes, now quit messin' around and kiss me
with that big rough pink tongue.
Exfoliate me, baby!
Put those dinner-plate paws to a good use.
Uh huh!
I think you got a bad rap, dude!
You're no man-eater.

a bit of ridiculous silliness for Helen at Real Toads.



Sioux Roslawski said…
Shay--This was hilarious. Seriously funny. Thanks for making me laugh out loud this early in the morning.

And I can't imagine why "Top Brass" is still not around. The name, along with the commercial (wouldn't PETA have a fit?) should have made it a long-lasting winner of a product.
TexWisGirl said…
big striped p.i.t.b.
Helen said…
Oh my! Hysterical and I really need to hear you read this! We all do ....
Kerry O'Connor said…
It's the lovely twangy words that makes this such fun to read - and who could fail to adore a person who loved her tiger so much, though I do shudder for her eventual fate.
hedgewitch said…
Ah, where would we be without our pets--I mean, alive is tremendously overrated. Much giggling ensued with this one, but some liberal lashings of cautionary tale seem to be mixed in there as well.
Sherry Blue Sky said…
I LOVE this! SO much!!!!
Sara said…
Oh, this was fun to read to out loud:~) You had me laughing so hard it was difficult to keep reading.

I loved this line: "Exfoliate me, baby!" Hah!!! That's funny.

Be silly more often:~)
Carrie Van Horn said…
You had me at Froshus! :-)
HermanTurnip said…
"Exfoliate me, baby!"

Now *that's* something I've never asked the wife. Hmmm.... ;-)
Susie Clevenger said…
LOL That's one way to tame a tiger..
Mama Zen said…
"Exfoliate me, baby!" Girl, you funny!

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