Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Girl

She's not a nice girl.
Her kiss takes your breath,
and while you're weak,
she'll take the rest.

She'll have your child,
but bear it dead--
then raise it up
(but just the head.)

Kiss me

instead.
______

for Words Count at Real Toads. 37 words on the nose. 
 

21 comments:

Sioux said...

The italicized "me" added to this perfect piece.

This early in the morning and you produce THIS? Yikes! I've got to put on some foundation (which I don't have) to color my (now) green face... ;)

Lolamouse said...

The ease with which you've worked in
hexatonic goatameter is laudable. I've always found the double inverse Ventetian sonnet a little too punctilious, but you've won me over! I applaud yourvsharp observations about universal health care in alternate universes and your adept mingling of iconic images from religion and string theory. Sheer perfection, Shay!

hedgewitch said...

I've met that girl--I think my son married her once. Whilst I am still laughing from Lolamouse's comment, I do also still feel the sinister, the sense of evil that some people carry behind a front of beauty and smiles. Short, not sweet, but smart.

Kerry O'Connor said...

Surreal, macabre, passionate!

Kenia Cris said...

ahahah love the rhythm! You'll get all the kisses, definitely. :)

Here's mine:

Kiss.

<3

TexWisGirl said...

you never fail to amaze.

Mama Zen said...

This is the most flawless execution of goatameter it has ever been my privilege to read.

I adore this and give it 5 kisses!

Susie Clevenger said...

The passion in darkness...love it!!

Kathryn said...

deliciously dark, just the way I like it.

Sumana Roy said...

ouch...rich and dark... :)

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh my goodness, between your poem and lolamouse's comment, I am completely intimidated! Brilliant!

Other Mary said...

Wow! Not nice at all! Snappy, sharp little piece here.

Jannie Funster said...

That rocks!! xoxo

Ella said...

Rich and inviting details leading us into the dark-and then surprise-so fun to read!

Lydia said...

Yikes, what a scary broad!

Hope Bosco is doing better this week.

HermanTurnip said...

Sounds like my kinda woman!

Jim said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Margaret said...

Oh, Jim, there are bad girls!! (Lolamouse is on fire, I can't compete).

Let's hope this was a fib, as the other girl sounds too sinister to even consider in the first place!

G-Man said...

Beware the kiss
From a sultry Miss
And if you're young
She'll steal your tongue!!!

Sara said...

LOL. This was fun:~)

grapeling said...

Lolamouse is of course correct, though what Catblossom thinks of a mouse in her lair, I can only wince.

As at this girl. Wince. ~