Some pendejo from the neighborhood
Finds a cure for cancer,
And invents lojack for lost socks
And just like that, whoopee, King of the World.
Well, if you ask me,
It was just dumb luck.
I knew the dude in first grade.
He ate paste,
And when Jenny McDougall told him to lick the frozen tether-ball pole,
He was gonna do it.
Now he parks his ass in this coffee shop, taking up the whole damn booth,
Waving his arms like a crack-headed baboon.
"When I was on Oprah..."
"When I was on Dateline..."
Til ya wanna shove a fork down his big fat throat.
Now listen, I'm glad he did all that stuff
But madre dios, does he have to talk about it til everybody wants to puke?
Oh, pop your eyes back in your head, you hate him too, you just act like, oh, he's so great cos he got your car started last week.
Well, girlfriend, I can't hang around here,
I got stuff to do.
What, just stuff, ok?
Oh, scuuuse me, I'm not some luck-out fat shithead man, curing cancer and la de da.
I got laundry and then my shows.
Oh, fuck you.
Ha, looking at me like I got lipstick on my teeth or that.
See ya, Gorgeous. Say hi to that man of yours for me. Tell him I said get a job. Yeah well, maybe so, but one that brings in a paycheck.
Love ya. Mwah.
Watch Dateline Boy crack his neck watching my ass on the way out.
Never happen, I'm tellin' ya.