My Twin the Riot Kitty has tagged me--sort of, it was a mass, voluntary tag--for a meme. I haven't felt so singled out for special attention since I was eight and Mister Menguser screamed, "All you kids, off my lawn! NOW!" I knew in that moment that I wanted to be a mail lady and walk on everybody's lawn. Contrary to the bone, I am.
What I must do, according to the ruuuu... the rooooo...the things I'm supposed to do, is I'm spozed ta list five things I dislike, and then five things I like.
So, without further ado:
(woman imitating a man doing a big important announcer voice) FIVE THINGS I DISLIKE!
1. Cell phone zombies. You know the ones. Oblivious to everything except the half-witted conversation they are having as they let the door slam in your face, or stand there blocking the grocery aisle, or force you to listen to them as you try to enjoy a meal in a restaurant. I hate them even more if they SHOUT and SCREAM into the phone, because they can't hear themselves like on a land line. Extra hate, too, for cell zombies who utterly fail to interact with the person right in front of them because they are busy yammering with someone who is miles away.
2. Peeps. I'm talking about those nausea-inducing Easter edibles. They are the very definition of "too sweet", in taste, texture and appearance. Yick.
3. People who use incredibly annoying too-long catchphrases. Like, "at this point in time" instead of "now." Or who say "myself" when they mean "me." Or who refer to a "fan base" when "fans" says the same thing. Their mouths should be taped shut.
4. Reality TV. I don't give a monkey's butt about loggers, repo men, ice road truckers, Gene Simmons, Real Housewives Of Pompano Beach, or ghost hunters with their green night vision and phony "did you hear that?!? What WAS that?!?" manufactured hooey. Science experiments for you all.
5. Golf and golfers. When I say I don't care for the game, that does NOT mean try even harder to get me to take it up. I don't want to hear about your swing. I don't want to hear about your score. I don't want to look at you standing there wearing that. I don't care about Tiger Woods, or who he slept with, or when he is coming back. Any grown man going by the name "Tiger" should be sent to a re-education camp in Siberia and his paperwork lost.
Oh dear. Do I sound harsh? Let me slip a flower into my hair and proceed with my Likes List:
1. I love hippy-trippy acid rock from the late 60s. Big Brother. The Airplane. Inna Gadda Da Vida, bay beh. LOL. Incense and Peppermints. White Bird must fly. Are You Experienced? Have another HIT...of sweet California sunshine. Groovy baby!
2. Mexican food. I didn't know a thing about Mexican food until I moved to San Antonio Texas, where there is--or at least was, when I lived there--a mom and pop Mexican place on every street corner, or so it seemed. When I went back to visit, in 2001, I wondered all the way down if it was really as yummy as I recalled it being. It was. Oh...it was. :-)
3. Femaleness. Is there something more interesting than all of the sweet, nurturing, bitchy, catty, perplexing, consistently inconsistent, brilliant, underappreciated, irreplaceable, beautiful, uncategorizable, creative, clever, maddening, holy, sensual, funny, unstoppable sweet mess that is women? No, there isn't.
4. Animals. I can't imagine my life without animals. My pets have repeatedly saved my life, my sanity and my sense of humor. It is my great privelege to take care of them, love them, laugh at their silly moments, and share my life with them. They have much to teach and much to give. All they ask is company and kindness. Bosco agrees with my #4.
5. My friends. That would be you, reading this, now. Thank you. I am so glad you are here!