God sneezes,

Creating the Universe.

"Now you're going to have to take care of it, cos I'm not about to," says God's mother.

"Remember the hamsters?"

God sighs,

And twiddles at a planet or two with Her finger.

She'd rather have had a turtle.

God grows up and checks into the Raddison Riverfront Hotel.

She does not give Her mother the number.

God orders moo goo gai pan from room service.

Some guy says they don't have moo goo gai pan.

God says, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

God goes to the hotel bar to collect Her thoughts,

But people keep telling Her their problems.

She gets that a lot.

The next day, God goes shopping.

She wants some strappy sandals but forgets Her debit card.

She looks right,

Looks left,


And suddenly they are "Free! Today Only!"

God smiles.

She has always liked Her own printing.

God gets a job at Danny's Coffee Shop.

It turns out that She is a wizard with chalk,

And the menu boards She creates are spectacular.

In time, God moves in with a girl named Chloe.

On Sunday mornings, they play the Flaming Lips and dance.

When they are done dancing, they do other things.

Chloe asks, "Do you think we're going to hell?"

God's delighted laughter is like the Hallelujah Chorus, except girlier.

"I wouldn't worry about it," She says.



Anonymous said…
(standing up clapping) BRILLIANT!
Lil Bit said…
*standing up in applause with Kristin*

LUV this, lol, & the thought of us being God's lil pets, kept in a cage. Bravo!

Hey, I've tagged you for something. Come see. =)
Mama Zen said…
1. I want that tee shirt.
2. I was born to drink coffee at Danny's.
3. Flaming Lips? Hell, yeah!
Shadow said…
this is delightful!!!!!
Ditto! Standing ovation for the most talented Blossom of Fire. I loved all the images that jumped to mind; and God loves Her own handwriting - classic, Shay! I'm home alone so I can laugh as loud as I want to and no one is here to think I've lost it.
T said…
"they play the Flaming Lips and dance.

When they are done dancing, they do other things."

Very very NICE!! Love this, and as always, an entire novel in just a few lines!
I agree about the turtle. And Flaming Lips are playing - I'd better go dance!
Anonymous said…
I always really liked that Joan Osborn song "What if God was one of us."

Excellent poem.
Riot Kitty said…
I love it. Have you heard the Lilly Allen song about god?
Scarlet said…
Even God can't get moo goo gai pan! I want Chinese food but the corner restaurant is closed on Sundays. :(
this is completely lovely.

first, i wondered why god would go shopping, then i realized, if *i* were god, and, one day, god willing, i will be - i would go shopping ALL the time, except when i was golfing. which i probably wouldn't do all that much because holes-in-ones all the time is boring.

you know what is great about god? she wouldn't have a period, would she?
Pinkerbell said…
You have a stunning imagination and you do such a good job of mixing the heartfelt with the amusing here.

I love the flaming lips too. I remember seeing them in concert with many people dressed up as animals on stage. The chicken and the dolphin had a fight at the gig I was at, they both wanted to be at the front. The dolphin fell off the stage in the end, shouldn't have messed with the chicken obviously. Have you seen them? Amazing.
Anonymous said…
That's very creative; I really like it
Merisi said…
Thank you for sharing this delightful story with us!

Congratulations on being on David's Authorblog Post of the Day award list! :-)
Cath said…
Interesting concepts - very well written.
Congrats on POTD!
Sandi McBride said…
My mother always used to say that when God created man She was only joking...Mama would have loved this! Congratulations on making David's Post of the Day list!
Daryl said…
muaaah .. good

Back from holiday, trying to catch up ...
Chris Never said…
This is so cool, love the concept in every way
Congrats on nomination from David for POTD. Cool.f
Anonymous said…
now THAT's a story of creation!


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