He's Dead, Jim

He's dead, Jim.

Slick-talker Johnny Walker gentleman gin,

He's dead.

My friend from the beginning,

Just like we'd known each other forever

He made everything better

Made my mother finally just

Shut up

Shut up

Shut up

But now,

He's dead, Jim,

A penny for the old guy.

He's dead, Jim,

But he listened when I said,

I cannot be ugly

And I cannot be queer

Look at me on the tightwire between denial and self-destruction,

Anybody'd need a drink

If this was what they did all day,

But now

He's dead, Jim,

And the circus has left town.

He's dead, Jim,

But there was a time when I loved him

And would have done anything just to be with him

Johnny Angel,

How I love him

And I'm hopin' someday he'll love me...

What of it,

If he took me places no lady should be,

White faced and bloody kneed?

What of it,

If he kept trying to throw me out of the car at the asylum, the penitentiary, the morgue?

What of it,

If he left me alone and not knowing my own name

Passed out on the rolling lawns at dawn?

It's a fine and private place.

He's dead, Jim,

But I can still feel his embrace.

He's dead, Jim,

Now I have new friends,

Coffee, books, and my own thoughts.

I have raised a child without him

And I hope,

Done some good in the world.

Even though the grave stays fresh,

He's dead, Jim,

Lo these twenty-three years.

He's dead, Jim,

But now I know

There will never be enough love

Enough chocolate

Enough sex

Enough anything

To make the longing that started it go away.

I don't believe

In cures

In congregations

Or in Yoko and me

That's not reality

But I have come to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity

And I am grateful for every grace that's given,

Because

He's not dead, Jim,

Only

Waiting...

_________