Arrest Me

Arrest me. Please please arrest me. C'mon, Saffron Burrows, what else have ya got to do today? 

Oh hell yes, I've broken the law. All over the place. I turned right on red at that intersection where you're not supposed to Monday-Friday. Not enough? Well...I copied a dvd even though it had that FBI warning on it. I even loaned it to a friend. C'mon, this is practically an ongoing criminal enterprise.

I stepped on an ant. Check my shoe. I killed that ant. It will never carry a dirt clod twenty times its weight again, or be on Animal Planet. I took all that away. Look, Saffron, I'm a real bad-ass. (stop that laughing, Ily!) Riot Kitty sent me a bag of chocolates last Christmas, and I didn't report it on my taxes.

Still not enough? Talk to Mama Zen. Go see how often I've been first in her comments. Creepy stalky, right? Get me off the streets. Saffron, c'mon. Protect and serve. A role for each of us! 

I'll be here waiting to be thrown in the back of your unmarked car. Throw the book at me. I prefer women's fiction. I'm waitinggggggggg.....



ellen abbott said…
Geez, what's a girl gotta do?
Anonymous said…
U ain't right. LOL!
Kay said…
uh oh... confession time... hope it works! :)
Debbie said…
You are so funny! Loved the last part about preferring women's fiction.
Daryl said…
I might jump the fence for her ... especially if she handcuffs me
TALON said…
lol! I haven't ever said this to a friend before, but I hope you get arrested :)
Sara said…
Shay -- While I loved the post, especially the poor little favorite part was your "labels."

I love the label, "I'm perfectly sane I tell you." I need to steal this one. Although the "strict lesbyterian" is pretty good, too:~)

You can very, very funny:~)
Shadow said…
oh, you're a nut. but my favourite nut for sure!
Mojo said…
So you're the stalker I heard about in MZ's comments this morning!

I should've known.

*snorting uncontrollably*
Cloudia said…
Loved it (and you :)
all the way through;
The "punchline"
was masterful

Aloha from Spring in Waikiki!

Comfort Spiral
Joanna Jenkins said…
You. Crack. Me. Up!
That was a hoot.
Good luck getting arrested ;-)
Mama Zen said…
Do you or do you not have an overdue library book? I'm not going to ask you again!
Tabitha Bird said…
OH YES! :) And if someone is out there throwing books at people, please throw some at me too! I prefer memoir and anything that resembles 'The Book Thief' in tone or content. Just saying .... :)
mac said…
If you had a cell phone, you could text while driving. That'll get ya arrested for sure.

Or just find a pre-30 me. Cops were always inviting me to stay at their house for a few days, not sure what that was all about ;-)
Unknown said…
I would love to be first on your comments or Ms MZ's but sadly I am a night time blogger so can't get there fast enough..:-)

OH though you've really been a bad bad girl indeed and I have no idea how she could ignore these HUGE infractions of the law...:-)
Love you
Riot Kitty said…
Who is Saffron Burrows?

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