Fete Me, Fete Me Now!

Darlings, it's not as if I go looking for it. What kind of blogger to you take me for? But when the amazing Sharon and the shocking Senorita both wanted to fete me, what could I do? Let's be real here, Cherubs. Most of the time, I spend locked up in my library, talking to the dust bunnies and channeling Miss Havisham. So I wasn't about to say, "Thank you but no, my 'Matlock' rerun is on." 

Sharon has feted me with this Versatile Blogger Award. Sharon, in addition to being an ORIGINAL and amazing writer, is so cute she makes Louisiana gators roll over on their backs at her feet, like house cats. If you haven't visited her yet, you're missing a wonderful blogger.

And then, perhaps noticing my fete-me heels and just-feted hair, Senorita gave me the Super Commenter blog survey. Senorita is a blogger not to be trifled with. She makes rappers blush and turn all shy. Not only that, but if you can't make head nor tails of what that man of yours is talking about, Senorita can do a flawless and magnificent "manslation" so that you can finally understand what he is babbling about. I stand in awe. But there are 10 survey questions I must submit to if I want to be feted. Well...what the hell!

1. What is your most embarrassing moment of all time? ...my most embarrassing moment of all time was when, during a party for family and friends at my old house, my mother decided to pointedly take me to task about needing to lose some weight. By the time she was done, the room had gone dead silent and I had gritted my teeth down to nubs. 

2. If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? ...cheeseburgers. See #1. 

3. How old were you when you had your first kiss? ...I was five. I had a little friend in kindergarten. 

4. What is your browser's home page? ...Google. I know, I can't stand the excitement either.

5. What color do you never, ever, wear? ...olive drab. I would rather be pitched off the Mackinac Bridge to certain death in the swirling waters below, than ever ever EVER wear anything olive drab or camo. 

6. Are you a nature lover or a city slicker? ...nature lover. You can find me out there gnawing on picnic tables with the squirrels any day.

7. If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? (no saying "more wishes") ...Wish 1: to look exactly like Jordana Brewster. Wish 2: For all my debts to go away. Wish 3: To sleep with...oh, you didn't really think I would say who, did you? That would be inelegant! But she's not a celebrity, she's someone I know. The only celebrity we have here is Kid Rock, and I don't want to sleep with him. 

8. Do you have any scars? How did you get them? ...I have a small scar on my left wrist which makes me look as if I had a self-destructive moment, but it was actually Bosco's toenail that got me, when he was in my lap and heard something outside and had to get up and go investigate instantly. To be honest, I am astonished that it left a scar, but it did. 

9. Ever see a ghost? ...I have never seen a ghost, but I have sensed one, many times, in the house I grew up in, and also heard him loud and clear. My reality was affirmed later by my nieces, who hated staying the night at Gramma's house, because they sensed him, too, and were totally creeped out.  I have never felt that any other place. 

10. What is your dream job? ...Poet Laureate of the United States. I don't see a single reason why I shouldn't be. 

Thank you, gals, for thinking of me with these awards, and for making me late for work this morning, doing them. (and do please forgive me for the ridiculous suggestive tone of this entire post! I'm old, and have no idea what I'm actually doing!) You both rock. :-) 


mac said…
I remember one Christmac where all the family had gathered years ago. My sister called me on the same thing your mother called you on.

"Well, you are gaining a LOT of weight!"

Shortly after that, we had settled into a famiy card game. My same sister makes the biggest mistake she could make, causing us to lose the game. I casually say, "Man, that was a no-brainer, Sis"

...Instantly, I was the most insensitive asshole that had ever walked the planet. Oh yeah, I was a fat insensitive asshole too :(
Sara said…

Oh, goodie I love these awards:~) It gives me a chance to learn more about you.

Personally, if we could nominate the Poet Laureate, you would be my nomination!

I grew up in a very old house and thought we had ghosts in the walls, but it turned out to be squirrels. They would run around at night and scare the living daylights out of me!

Whatever awards are sent in your direction are very well deserved:~)
Daryl said…
Back in the day when Eva was on All My Children her breast implants were ref'd to as her eggplants .. sorry I just couldnt help myself
TALON said…
Congrats, Shay! You are definitely fete-worthy! :)

I'm so sorry your mother would hurt you like that.

I'll meet you and the squirrels at the picnic table - I'll bring the cheeseburgers!
Anonymous said…
Yay for Shay!! Most definitely fete-worthy...
Mojo said…
"Fete-me pumps and just-feted hair"... You slay me girl! ROFLMAO!

I had a similar encounter with "The Other Side" in a small B&B down on the coast. But it wasn't creepy. Okay, I wasn't creeped out by it.

I have a similar scar from the one and only cat I ever had -- got it the same way too. Only mine's on the heel of my left hand. It sort of gets lost among all the others, but when you described how you got yours I immediately flashed back to that psycho cat Bacall and her ability to go from zero-to-nuts in 2.1 seconds.

Hope you enjoyed your fete-ing dear!
Ileana said…
You accepted another freakin' blogger award, mi'ja?? lol


PS - I pictured you to be a city slicker, mi'ja. Btw, I'm not a fan of olive green either but I do love green olives in my ensalada.
Cloudia said…
You are SO feted!!!!!!

Aloha from Hawaii, Sistah

Comfort Spiral
Senorita said…
You rock ! Thank you for doing this !

Your mom is a biotch for talking to you that way. That's not embarassment, that's cruelty.
Riot Kitty said…
Good stuff! I was going to write the same thing Senorita wrote about your mom. Wow.
Mama Zen said…
I was listening to NPR the other day, and I learned that my state is accepting nominations for poet laureate. But, you have to be some sort of poetry or arts association to nominate someone. So, clearly, we must start such an association!

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