Saturday, May 29, 2010

The Unhappy Toothpaste

The Unhappy Toothpaste sulks inside its tube.

"Look at me," it complains.

"I am all pasty and pale. It is almost June, and here I am, stuck inside."



"But you are minty fresh!" points out the cap.

"Oy," moans the Unhappy Toothpaste. "That hardly makes me unique, now does it?"

"Just trying to help."

The Unhappy Toothpaste can hardly stand it. It mutters, "I am surrounded with morons."



Then The Lady comes into the bathroom and the Unhappy Toothpaste goes all gooey, which isn't difficult for it to do.

At her touch, at the slightest squeeze, the Unhappy Toothpaste gives part of itself to her without hesitation, and that part is soon all foamy with joy!



Then she spits it out and it goes down the drain.



Now the Unhappy Toothpaste is even unhappier.

"I kill germs and bacteria that cause gingivitis. I whiten. I freshen breath. I can even be used to fill small holes in plaster. Why am I not loved?"

Even the cap doesn't know how to help with the awkward silence that follows.

Then the Unhappy Toothpaste squeaks plaintively, "I even give good oral."

But it makes no difference. The Unhappy Toothpaste has no brain, no heart, no hands, and no survivability outside the tube!

A movie career seems unlikely, except, perhaps, in a supporting role. 



Enter the Dissatisfied Hand Cream.

I can't give away the rest.

_________

12 comments:

TALON said...

You realize that I'm going to be having conversations with my shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, and all and assorted sundries now!

Loved this, Shay! It's pure fanciful and pure fun! I laughed out loud at "Enter the Dissatisfied Hand Cream."

Mojo said...

Personally, I laughed out loud at "I even give good oral". (But you probably expected that didn't you? I mean, it's like you wrote that part just for me!)

Where do you get these ideas? They're brilliant!

Riot Kitty said...

"It is almost June, and here I am, stuck inside."

*How did you get inside my head?!* LOL!

Mama Zen said...

I'm not going to go there. I'm just not going to do it.

mac said...

No brain or no heart?
Sounds OK to me, no one could break my heart that way....but, I think I'd like to keep my hands ;-)

Ily said...

Ha! Tell me what happens when the Joyful Joy Jelly walks in. ;)

Cloudia said...

Very Shay-ish! (and that's GREAT!)




Aloha from Waikiki, Poet
Comfort Spiral

TechnoBabe said...

Okay, this does it. I like the way you think. This was the best read of the day. Thanks.

Paula said...

That is so hilarious. And I dont feel so weird anymore talking to my veggie's... hugs across the pond

Fireblossom said...

Thanks, TechnoBabe! I tried to reciprocate your visit, both today and the first time you commented, but I just can't get your blog to finish loading. I don't know why. :-(

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Hmmm...my toothpaste I never thought about how much it gives to me and asks nothing in return, I must tell it how grateful I am for my white teeth and minty freshness.

Hand cream and razors...they have stories to tell...Indeed!!!

Much love to you.

Daryl said...

SNORT ...