Vince, hi.
Um...
What? Oh, I'm fine. You're sweet to ask.
So...
What up?
"Dawg". Ha ha.
Are you, like, still doing drawings and stuff?
Yeah? You're pretty good. Seriously, dude.
You should, like, maybe take a class or something.
Have you ever signed up for an art class? No?
I think the community college offers them.
I took, I don't know, some computer thing there once...it was okay, I guess.
I met Rick there.
Yeah, Rick, this guy I'm seeing, or like, we're hanging out and that.
Look, Vince, I need to tell you,
You're a nice guy and all. Some girl is out there for you.
No kidding, a lot of girls really like beards. For real!
My friend, she's totally all about dudes who look like these mountain men or something.
Hey, I didn't mean...
It looks good. No lie.
But, Vince,
I'm not really into art or that, and Rick, he's kind of into the whole surfer, keg party thing.
Well, what I mean is,
Um...
Here's your ear.
I wrapped it in, I don't know, this napkin from Chicken Shack.
I didn't, like, use it at all, it's clean.
Maybe they can re-attach it?
But dude, seriously,
Don't, like, send me the other one or anything, you know?
It's gross, I have to be honest with you.
Really thoughtful,
But,
Gross. As hell.
What were you thinking?
Oh, c'mon,
Don't go all crumpled looking,
My dog does that and I can't deal.
He's at my mom's now...
Well, I know, like you care, right? I just ramble, whatever.
Sorry.
So, check out those art classes.
Maybe you could even sell one of your paintings?
Use the money to buy a new jacket or something.
Good luck, Vince.
I gotta run, Rick hates it if I keep him waiting.
Peace, out.
And no more ears!
Later, dude!
(walk
walk
walk
keys
car door slamming
engine starting
lipstick adjustment in rearview mirror)
*sigh*
What a fucking nut case!
_______
A little vignette that made me smile... :)
ReplyDeleteI have often wondered how all that went down.
ReplyDeleteNow I know ;-)
excellent.
ReplyDeletelol! That was so neat! Poor Vince...always misunderstood. And the whole wrapping the ear in the Chicken Shack napkin - classic Shay! :)
ReplyDelete"Um, here's your ear." Love it!
ReplyDeleteUm...yeah, some chicks dig beards...NOT ME! Just like some chicks may dig "ears" ewwwwwww!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very fun piece to read...sort of like a retelling and rebooting of Shakespeare I think.
Love you and I'm BAAAACCCKKKK!!! LOL
No more work black out...thank goodness.
Miss you love you kiss you!
xoxo G
Diablo Cody should be your assistant!
ReplyDeleteAloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral
Bow to the East. That was a great ditching. We should all be so able to walk, walk, walk away.
ReplyDeleteGloria
poor guy, if he had given me his ear i would fallen for him...uh, not really.
ReplyDeleteLOL!
ReplyDeleteViiinnnce! I'd have married you...oh hang on. No, I wouldn't. The ear thing was gross. Really. And um, I married my Rick already :) But the paintings are good dude. REally good. You should do one of you without your ear. You are? Cool. Someone will like that.
:))
This is hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI love Vincent D'Onofrio and am so sad L&O CI sucked so bad he left. Can't find him anywhere.
ReplyDeleteOh, shit. You were talking about that other Vincent who painted or something right?
Good suggestion about the CC. They, like, rock.
Ha! Wrapping the ear in a napkin from Chicken Shack, Chica...really?? I ♥ it!
ReplyDeleteOh, and the surfer/keg party thing...hilarious! I'm glad I didn't miss this one, my friend. You made me laugh tonight!
Okay, I snorted. Good one!
ReplyDeleteYou are so funny ..
ReplyDeleteWell that is a pretty cool idea, based on "I could have told you Vincent" and I like your take on it. :)
ReplyDeleteGot Vince on the other line... He just told me to take a writing class. Mind calling him back for me, maybe chew his other ear off. lol Seriously funny. Love reading your posts.
ReplyDelete