Monday, December 13, 2010

She's Come Undone

it's too late

she's gone too far

she's lost the sun...

she's come undone

I came to a place where I found I had forgotten all that was good about myself, and all that had seemed hopeful about the future. One day I was going about my life as usual, and then gradually, the light went out of it, and I walked in a world that no longer seemed safe, or worthwhile, or promising. Just a terrific effort to try to tread water, only to sink further into the thick bottomlessness of it. Even my words failed me and ceased to have value. The song in my bones stopped, and that silence is the most frightening thing of all. I have been to this place before, and found my way out, when I was young. But now I don't know the way out, or if I have the will to get there even if I did. My house is not on fire. It is freezing to death. I know that all of this is the work of the Dark Bird, and the illusions that comprise its suffocating shadow. And yet that is my truth, at this moment, as honestly as I can say it.

 quoted lyric from "She's Come Undone" by the Guess Who

24 comments:

Neva Flores said...

beautiful heartfelt emotions expressed.......

Cloudia said...

Reaching out to you in solidarity!






Aloha from Hawaii

Comfort Spiral

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Sherry Blue Sky said...

We are all here, Shay - we who love your words that come through the singing in your bones, who recognize your brilliance and your beauty. I know dark times, when it all feels like Too Much. One foot after the other, we somehow walk through it, and there is sunshine again, on the other side. How can I help?

Gabriella Moonlight said...

I felt this post to my bones...sadly I have been frozen out of my singing heart...to be left with a silence that fills my heart...
I am here and send you love...
hope you are well.
xo

Titanium said...

Listening, hearing...

cursor blinking maddeningly in sync with my wordlessness.

You're not alone with The Dark. Just know that. I would say more things, but it would just be refrigerator-magnet wisdom. And that mostly does not help unless you are a refrigerator. (you're not)

La Belette Rouge said...

I hate that you have gotten even close enough to this experience to be able to *Know* this kind of experience in such a truthful way.
I too know these feelings. I have traveled this terrain a little too much. Happily I emerge from this cold and dark place. But I never feel fully free of it. It is part of me. Feeling vulnerable writing this here and yet I want you to know how much I appreciate you making darkness visible.
Much love,
Weasel-friend.xoxo

Lisa said...

Wish you were here so we could sit on the beach. It's magic and healing. Hoping that things shift for you soon (that is always the miracle, the slight shift within). Am thinking of you - xx

cinderkeys said...

The problem with The Dark is that it makes you feel like it's never going to go away. Or worse, that you don't care whether it does or not. Here's hoping this passes soon.

Lynn said...

I wondered if something was wrong when you didn't post for a few days. All you have to do is look at the comments here to know how much people care about you. (((HUG)))

Eric Alder said...

I feel the despair, Shay. You took the lyrics down to a deeper place.

(Great song, by the way!)

Susannah said...

(((hug))) x

booguloo said...

The shackles do rust and We always float to the surface. Live in peace.

Liza said...

"The song in my bones stopped, and that silence is the most frightening thing of all"
I know this silence.
Your words are incredible.
She's Come Undone, a favourite book of mine. Great song too.
All the best.

Mama Zen said...

We're here.

TALON said...

The dark bird...pecks and pecks...but in the end it does fly away...

As Mama Zen said, we're here...

ellen abbott said...

If you are too tired to tread water let us hold you up.

hedgewitch said...

I hate this time of year, because the Dark Bird owns it, flies over everything with its shadow. It isn't just perching on your shoulder--it's something I have to chase out of the house with a broom everyday, too. All I can say is, keep writing about it. It hates that.

Daryl said...

Come here, a hug will warm you

Kay said...

a haunting place to be.... She's Come Undone is also an excellent book!

Fireblossom said...

My sincere thanks to all of you who have commented. It helps.

Lulú said...

Who cannot relate, at least at some moment in their lives, to this post? I am with you, my friend, in spirit and in sentiment. Hugs and besitos to you my friend...and a big group hug to all! xo

PS - If you need me, call me. No matter where you are, no matter how far. Just call my name. I'll be there in a hurry. On that you can depend and never worry.

mac said...

Shay, I have been so involved in my own petty issues, I missed this.

Accept my apology and know that if you need anything I have, all ya gotta do is holler?

:-)

Jannie Funster said...

Burton Cummings!!!! Man, I so O.D.ed on him when I was much younger, I'll have you know, you American Woman, you.

"And ain't it like walking out in the morning rain, to meet the morning train..." not him, but Canadian and ass-kicking -- the Stampeders. Freaking LOVE that song, sad as all get out.

Runnin' with a gun, and it isn't any fun as a fugitive. Fightin' for my life and I don't know if I'll make it alone... Etc.

Anyway, how's life at the library?

Christmas parcels and such delivery keepin' ya busy too?? Hapy to report I have sent nothing so far, thinking of you posties, tryig to lessen your load.

xoxo

T said...

Hi Shay, I'm slowly playing catchup, one poem at a time, I think this was on the 4th or 5th page, but needed to comment. I am so sorry I wasn't here for you, but darn girl, you always put it all out there, and reading this and how you felt, i just wanted to hug you, and sit with you. I am so glad we talked today.

Now I need to resume my reading.
love ya
T