Darling, It's Christmas

Darling, It's Christmas
Just take a peek out the frosty window
See our friends and neighbors
Coming together around their damaged cars
And exchanging blows

It's Christmas and once a year
We do these things
We hate
We hate
We hate
Put up the tree, string up the lights
Throw the rope over the cross beam
It's Christmas, it's finally here

Spending money I haven't got
Buying people I don't like
Things they'll never use--
Oh honey look
This one's for you

It's Christmas, and once a year
We pray at church
For the blessed thing to be over
Everyone's seething
Nobody's sober
Holly berries are poison
Come on over

Holiday hymns we take up
Until the police are called to break up
Another family Christmas
With the brandished cake knives
And the ruined lives
Merry Christmas, darling
Of course you're fine to drive.


An original work written by Fireblossom with hovering help from Babs St. Argent


Sherry Blue Sky said…
So funny! "Everyone's seething....come on over" - hilarious. I am doing a bit of seething myself - cant find my xmas decs in my sister's basement. Argh! Is it a Sign???
Anonymous said…
All very excellent reasons why I don't celebrate the holiday. Oops. Did I just say that out loud?
Bubba said…
Rum cake anyone? You can wash it down with some of this spiked eggnog.

Merry Christmas, Shay - whether you like it or not! ;)
Jeannie said…
Yours is the truest carol I've ever come across. If we all feel this way, why do we still bother?
hedgewitch said…
brandished cake knives


string up the lights
Throw the rope over the cross beam


Spending money I haven't got
Buying people I don't like
Things they'll never use--

I gave that one up...but yes.

Let's see, cake knives, check, rope, check, booze, check...
Ready for eggnog and dirges now. Fa. La. freakin La. ;-)
Kay said…
:) yippers and mmmm hmmmm...

you said it true, very cute
Ileana said…
Holly berries are poisonous?? Isn't that something? Beware of the mistletoe as well; I hear it can be dangerous.
This is great. I love the repetition of "hate" in a Christmas poem :).

Thank you for your double-dutch jumprope rhymes today!
Jannie Funster said…
All you forgot was the part where Mom throws the g.d. tree and all the presents out on the snow laden shrubs.

Those last lines, wowza!! Indeed there are brandished cake knives and ruined lives. Ugh!
LOL! Love that Babs is helping you.
Unknown said…
pointsettas are poison as well...for pets

Oh Shay you've hit the nail on the head with this one...there are some family members of mine I only see at Christmas..and I get to see them at their best :)

I think the first thing I read of yours, reminded me of them

Ahhh the brutal truth... on the end of that cake knife
mac said…
Maybe Babs can explain it to me.
Why, exactly, do we celebrate the gardners Birthday?
TALON said…
That's what happens when families gather...it's call "festive" :)
Mama Zen said…
Is this how they do it in Redbook magazine?

Oh, is that my Redbook in the truck?

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