Excelsior!

Dear Writer,

Thank you for your recent submission to Jaded Daffodils, the literary publication of East Central Minnesota State Normal School. Our publication receives thousands of submissions for each issue. Choosing the ideal poem to place underneath the current month's International Harvester ad is a task we take very seriously. Unfortunately, we only have space for a single poem. Not all these. Not any of these. No.

Please purchase as many back issues of our magazine as you can, in order to familiarize yourself with work that has been accepted. Also, it would make the Fire Marshall happy if we got rid of some of them.

In future, we urge you not to use red marker to call attention to sections of your work you are especially proud of. Circled exclamations ("Whoa!") are not necessary. In future, please do not submit so very many poems about your cat. While references are useful to prospective landlords or employers, our editors must decline your invitation to call your Aunt Minnie, who is certain of your genius.

We know you did not write "She Walks In Beauty." We know you did not write "The Battle Hymn Of The Republic." Thank you for letting us see them, but we accept only original unpublished work.

Enclosed find personal order of protection prohibiting you from visiting our offices should you find yourself in the ECMSNS area. Thank you for the photograph of you wearing a "Go, Ground Squirrels!" tee shirt. But still.

We wish you every success in your writing career. We wish we had a million dollars. We wish it would rain diamonds and snow cocaine.

East Central Minnesota State Normal School's literary publication Jaded Daffodils is available by post. Send $65 for four quarterly issues to Mrs. Maureen Nordsberg, 22 Black Ice Circle, Sauk Center, MN. You'll receive, as a free bonus, our annual Compendium of Agricultural Verse and this attractive tote.

Sincerely,

James "Jiggy" Jorgensen, editor, Jaded Daffodils