Monkshood Tea

Chloe is sitting in Danny's Coffee Shop, watching CNN with the sound off and listening to Screamin' Jay Hawkins sing "I Put A Spell On You." It relaxes her.

"I want it played at my wedding," she says, squinting, when Denise makes a face and asks "What sort of twisted shit is that?"

CNN is reporting on an escaped female serial killer, at large for several months now. They show Chloe's picture.

"Gawd. I look like an Olsen twin."

Some kid comes in, with his thumbs in his belt loops and looking around as if he sees invisible hordes of paparazzi.

He once appeared on "American Idol."

"Lord above," says God the waitress, putting her fingers to her forehead and closing her eyes. "I hate when I get his table."

Chloe says, "Rest your dogs, baby. I've got this one."

God opens her eyes and looks over. "You've never waited a table in your life."

Chloe gives God one of those big-eyed, curl-lipped bite-me looks and and goes, "Well now I am."

God smiles and does a little head shake.

Chloe gets up.

Idol Boy gives her the once over. "Hi gorgeous. What you got that's any good?"

She gives him a smile that would turn a lemon diabetic, and purrs,

"Try the monkshood tea." She leans forward, lips parted, head tilted, eyes hooded. She even winks.

The little asshole orders it.

God's arms are folded and she is trying hard not to laugh when Chloe passes her and starts rooting around in her bag. She spreads some stuff out on the table.

"We don't carry anything called monkshood tea," chirps God.

"We do now," says Chloe, without looking up.

"What's in it?"

Larkspur seeds.

Holly berries.

Hogweed sap.



Chloe brings Idol Boy his tea, then plasters a starstruck look across her face and watches.

He is in mid-boast when his expression changes and so does Chloe's.

His to confusion.

Hers to intense curiosity.

The Succubus puts down her book and calls over from her spot in the corner,

"A bag of Ghirardellis says he falls left when he goes."

Chloe murmurs, "You're on."

Her head tilts left as Idol Boy lists further and further to the right. Then he falls to the floor amid much flopping and flailing.

Chloe says smugly, "Pay up, woman."

Danny himself comes in the front door and sees the ex-celebrity dead as hell in his coffee shop.

"What are you girls doing?" He sounds as if he has been chain smoking for forty years. He has.

"Playinggggg," sing song Chloe and the Succubus like little girls.

No one else in the place has even noticed

They are all regulars.

None of them order the monkshood tea.

They know that when you come to Danny's

You order coffee.

CNN is reporting a rise in its popularity.



Unknown said…

Have you seen Lady Gaga and Beyonce kill everyone in Telephone?

Your story kind of reminds me of that video. :)
Riot Kitty said…
You are really being too polite to Google! I love Chloe and her cat :)
TALON said…
I've been watching my monkshood starting to sprout in the garden and when I read the title I kind of knew where this was going - lol!

Google finally settled down for me in respect of uploading photos when posting. I hope it does for you soon, too!
mac said…
I don't drink coffee.
But, before I want to be poisoned, I'd prefer the QOTV just take a big bite of me. That's the way to go ;-)
ellen abbott said…
Oh those girls. they're at it again.
Tabitha Bird said…
LOL love it!
I hate blogger too. Just sayin :)
Mojo said…
Yikes! You should really introduce Chloe to Delia (different blog, same kind of chica). Between them they could rule the freakin' world.

And if you're up for a bit of technoweenieism, I've got the cure for your photo woes. It takes a bit of doing, but nothing you couldn't handle. I swear.

And if I'm ever at Danny's I'll be sure to order coffee. Black, no sugar.
Daryl said…
If you use IE switch to Firefox .. seriously it is more user friendly and more compatible with Blogger ...

I want to go to Danny's
Marion said…
I was reading a book about deadly herbs just yesterday. (My husband gets really nervous when he sees me with this book. Tee-Hee). The Monkshood flower is so beautiful. Most of the deadly ones are. Cool post. :-) Blessings!
Lynn said…
Ooh - that's a good one! :)

(I switched to the upgraded Blogger and was having trouble uploading photos, so went back to the old one, which it allowed me to do.)
Mama Zen said…
God, I love that song.
Anonymous said…
Danny's sounds like my kinda place.

Always Caffè, topped only with crema.
I hope it wasn't Adam Lambert. If someone killed Adam Lambert I couldn't go on....
cinderkeys said…
Mmm, Danny's. I wonder if I'd become a regular after the first time I stopped in, or if I'd wind up dead. I don't drink coffee. Much would depend upon whether they offered chocolate things.
Anonymous said…
I wonder what would happen if I stiffed God out of a tip?
Sara said…
Shay -- There's something about reading a Shay story that makes me start humming the theme to "Twilight Zone" but with a wicked smile on my face:~)
Ileana said…
I want to play with Chloe! :)

Love the cafe stories, Chica! You know I do.
Let me see, who was it? It was that gray haired guy who tried to dance like Elvis. What was his name?

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